Carpe Diem Mortis

Chapter 2: Confusion Makes New Home

"Nothing is farther than earth from heaven; nothing is nearer than heaven to earth." -Augustus Hare

In the distance I could hear some kind of noise but I didn't want to dream of something annoying. I willed my brain to make it go away. I was so happy dreaming. He was with me again. I wasn't entirely sure who he was, even less sure with the incessant beeping becoming ever growingly louder. I was beginning to feel my body move; I was waking up. I don't get how people can be morning people. How do you wake up in the morning and just be ready to wake up?

I realized that the beeping still hadn't stopped and so I threw my arm over to where I knew the annoying alarm clock would be resting so rudely on my bedside table. I tried to close my eyes and willed the boy mesmerizing crystalline eyes to come back. Coming to the realization that he wouldn't come back I unhappily forced my legs out from my warm bed and into the wood ground that was ever threatening to freeze me at this god awful time of the day.

Opening my door I heard movement on the way of the kitchen. Though I now owned a two story home it was small. I wondered everyday how there was four bedrooms in this house. I walked like a snail down stairs, I didn't want to admit it was time to wake up and go to school.

"Mom what's for breakfast?" I called out. I am surprised she hadn't tried to wake me up claiming I would be late even though it is 5:30 and I don't have to leave until 7:45.

"Oh, Honey.." That wasn't mom.. That was Crim.

I walked into the kitchen still not entirely awake and momentarily confused. I looked around for mom and it dawned on me. She was actually dead. I genuinely woke up thinking that what happened yesterday was another one of my bad dreams. "Oh, I thought I had another one of my dreams." I grabbed a piece of toast and Crim was looking at me like I was I was a piece of glass ready to break if she were to take to deep of a breath.

"Crim I will be fine. Death is something we deal with on such a regular basis. When dad went missing we all realized that Dad was dead and wasn't coming back. Or when Willow went missing.We know they are dead Crimson. This isn't any different." She gaped at me. It was hard to surprise my best friend.

"Liezbet you cannot lie to me. Not just because I am an empath okay. I know you better than literally anyone on this planet."

I looked at her in a way that attempted to convey to her that I would be perfectly fine but as the grogginess of sleep was wearing off and my soul began truly awakening from slumber. My heart started to grow heavy with the true grief of my mother. I tried to fight off having emotions but it took mere moments for me to begin crying.

I would like to say that I am one of those people that deals well with trauma and can easily shake it off like no big deal but I am not. I can't even act like a person who just bottles their issues. I am but a porcelain doll. Even the lightest of touches with heartbreak make this porcelain heart have the potential to shatter my fragile soul. Oh wait, I don't own that anymore.

A great example of how much I don't deal with death. When Willow was taken, for a month where ever there was a reflective surface I just stared at myself. All I wanted was to see her face. And seeing as how we shared everything from hands to the eyes the left the color of ice blue and the right the color that deeply resembles the green of an aged trees leaves. They say twins always have eyes that are two colors because they share two souls.

I missed Willow so much that for months after she was gone I would just lay on our bed with a mirror close to my face and imagine she were still at my side. My sister she was nearly my entire world. We were best friends and worst enemies. As a child I was easy to please. It was always her who wanted, wondered and desired more than our four walled roofed home could offer her. I still hold out hope that she is still alive. But I also realize that if she is my darling Willow would likely be nearly unrecognizable.