Please, just don't leave

• 2 •

We got to my house and nobody was home...I sighed as I walked inside, Niall following closely...I trudged up the stairs, I walked into my bedroom and took a look around, papers everywhere on my desk and my bed sheets were messed up, some clothes on the ground. "Sorry about the mess." I said before sitting on the bed, "No, it's cool, my room is worse then this." I chuckled slightly.

He walked over to the desk and my eyes widened, "No no no, not yet." I sprinted over and blocked his view. He tried to look around me, but I wouldn't let him see what was there...He sighed in defeat and walked over to the bed, I pulled on one of my sweaters and let my arms hang freely...

I sat down in my desk chair, "What do you usually do?" Niall asked, looking around the room. "Well, I usually write, but since you're here, I guess that's not an option." I shurgged, turning my body around in the chair so my legs were on either side of the chair and my chin rested in the dip of my hands that were propped up on the back of the chair.

"Why can't I see?" Niall whined, "Personal stuff." I said, folding papers up and putting them away. I set my notebook on the desk top, leaving it closed. "So, is it cool if I stay over night?" He asked, looking at the large t.v. "Sure?" I said, some what skeptical. I walked over to the bed and sat down next to him, I swung my feet over the edge and layed back...

"Do you have any food?" He asked, "Yeah, downstairs in the kitchen." I said, he nodded and got up, I ran over to the desk and opened my notebook.

If I don't say this now, I will surely break.

I think I love him

But I don't know if he feels the same

probably not because look at me

I'm worthless, stupid, ugly, a freak

anything that he hates, I don't

understand why he's still here

I don't understand why he doesnt

leave me like everyone else.

But I'm glad he doesn't, he

makes everything right and

he makes me happy.

I'm waiting for you to reach out

and touch me with your smile.

I know you make me better.

I closed the notebook when I heard footsteps, I jumped back onto the bed...the door opened and I pulled up my phone. Which was kinda stupid because I have nobody to text. "What were you writing?" He sat down next to me and took a bite from an apple. "Song lyrics." I lyed, he nodded.

I turned on the T.V. for him and went back to my notebook...

The way that we are is the reason I stay.

As long as you're here with me, I'll know that we'll be ok.

Niall is just amazing, I don't know what it is

but he is just simply amazing

He makes me smile by doing nothing

but be there, he won't stay, because

whenever something good happens

there will be a bad ending, this

is going to be one of those times.

He is going to leave me because he'll

learn the real me, the me that everybody

hates so much. The freak of nature.

But as long as he is here now, its

ok I guess. I know I'll find a place

where we can be together, because

I know that this life has room for 2

I shut the book and layed my pencil down next to it, I turned to the T.V. spongebob was on, I chuckled at Niall as he watched intensley...

Niall loves spongebob...what a child, but it's cute.

I entered into my notebook once more before walking over to the bed, it was starting to get late. It was 10o'clock. I yawned and rubbed my eyes, "Are you tired already?" He asked in disbelief. "Mhm." I nodded like a child would, he giggled...my eyes closed and I nodded my head every time I re opened them. I layed back and rolled over and pulled the blanket up over my body, I started to sweat so I took off my sweater.

I gave one last stretch and yawn before closing my eyes completely...

I woke up, it was about 3 in the morning. Niall was sleeping next to me, his hair was messed up and his cheeks were tainted red. I smiled, before stretching my legs over him and falling out of bed.

I walked quietly to my desk, I switched on the lamp and let my eyes adjust to the sudden bright light, I opened my notebook...someone had touched it...one of the pages had been ripped a little, I fanned the page back and forth for some reason before seeing something that caught my eye.

I'm worthless, ugly, stupid, and a freak.-{No, you're Not, stop saying stuff like that, you're amazing, funny, smart, an cute. It tears me apart to see you think about yourself that way...you shouldn't, you are loved by someone, and by someone, I mean me! Please, would you stop being so mean to yourself, you don't deserve it...}

I turned and looked at a sleeping Niall, so he read this? Even after I told him not to? I leaned back in the chair...

Niall, don't read my stuff again.

Then I shut it, I layed down on the miniature couch I had in my room, I huddled up in a ball and pulled a blanket over my body...I looked at Niall once more before closing my eyes...

I woke up a little later than expected, 2 in the afternoon...Niall wasn't in the bed, he wasn't even in the room...I snuck over to the desk and looked through the notebook

Niall, don't read my stuff again. {Well then stop talking bad about yourself...and maybe I will.}

I chuckled then Niall walked in, it got real quiet and uncomfortable in the room..."What's so funny?" He asked, chewing ona slice of pizza..."Why would you read this after I told you not to?" I asked, standing up, but falling back down because of a stupid head rush..."Sorry, but I had to." Niall looked at the T.V. and then jumped onto my bed and it seemed almost as if nothing happened..."what all did you see?" I asked, "Enough to know alot." He continued to look at the screen, what did he mean by that?

I walked over to the desk again...

Baby when they look up at the sky, we'll be burning

up like Neon lights.

You're all I see in all of these places

you're all I see in all of these faces.

I can't really put anything in here that

niall won't read...but he already

knows alot.

Niall is just ugh, he makes my heart flutter

whenever he smiles or says something to me.

He's so sweet and cute and ugh.

I think I do love him.

But again, he will leave me.

Then I'll go back to my pathetic life

once more, I mean it's not like

it would be the first time someone left.

I couldn't finish writing, I got angry with myself...I got angry because it's true, nobody ever stays. They leave when they get to know the real me...the me that cuts, the me that is suicidal, the me that has nobody...