Lost

Chapter One

April, 8, 2012

Dear Journal,

I'm starting my new school tomorrow. I'm actually kinda nervous about going. It's not like the rest of my other schools where I knew I wouldn't be staying for that long, this time its permanent. That's a word I haven't heard in a long time. It kinda brings me comfort but at the same time I dread it. Dad says that I should just be myself, but I couldn't tell him that I had no idea who that was. I keep thinking about all the personalities I've taken on at my different schools and I wonder which one to choose now. Maybe I should try the shy type. I've never done that one before. I think Lizzy might work. The name kinda fits and its innocent enough. Or maybe I should go back to a previous personality. Maybe one of my favorites. Beth the Queen Bee, Liz the Cheerleader, Lizbeth the Nerd and President of the year book committee or Eliz the Goth. I might just end up taking my dads advice and just be me Elizabeth, whoever that is, it might make things easier. But knowing me, things are never easy.

Your one true friend, XXXXXX

It's Sunday. Three weeks after my mothers death. I can't help but think I should be mourning her death.But I feel nothing. It that healthy? Shouldn't I feel any emotion, even if it's anger? I feel blank when I think about her, like I'm an empty shell. It's like she's a stranger. To tell you the truth she practically was. She was just Cheryl. Someone I lived with and saw everyday. We never talked. To her I was a nuisance that always got in her way. To her I was a threat.

My alarm clock went off. It read 7:30 a.m. I wondered why I even bothered getting a clock when I always wake up before it goes off. But Rachael insisted on it. Rachael McQueen, my dad's wife and my step mother. At the age of thirty- six, the same age as my dad, she's known as one of the best lawyers in California. They met in a coffee shop three years ago and have been married for two and a half years. My dad says that it was love at first sight. With my mom it was kinda lust at first sight, which wore off after a while but it was too late to go back. At ninteen my mom was pregnant with me so my dad married her for my sake.

After the divorce she wasted no time in reminding me over and over again how all of it was my fault and how I ruined her chance at becoming a model and broke up her marriage. Was I the one who was so quick to jump into bed with someone they hardly knew? Did I force her to not get an abortion? Did I hold a gun to her head and tell her to screw my dad's boss in their bed? Was I the reason dad came home from work early and decided to catch up on some sleep? Was it me who told dad you and Mr. Blake were in your room with the door closed? No I didn't do any of those things, well accept for the last one but how was I to know what they were doing.

I looked back at my clock which read 7:40 a.m and got up out of bed and headed to my bathroom to get ready for breakfast. According to Rachael breakfast is 7:15 a.m on weekdays and 8:15 on weekends. After breakfast, I am suppose to go out with Nicole, Rachael's daughter and my *cough* step-sister. This is going to be fun, a whole day spent with my new family. Maybe something will come up, a girl could only hope.