You Only Want Me 'Cause I'm (Canadian) Bacon

I threw my useless phone on my white sleigh bed that was decorated with a bright duvet, in a mixture of sunset like colors, and started walking down the stairs. My phone started spazzing on the bed, blaring Drake's Find Your Love, gradually getting louder and vibrating more and more as I frantically rushed like a ninja back up the stairs and attacked my bed, begging it to give me my phone.

I quickly swiped my finger across the bottom of the touchscreen and hoped my speaker would be working.

I answered the phone cautiously, you have to be careful with those unknown numbers, you know.

"Hello?" I asked the caller in my awkwardly pleasant voice that almost all secretaries at those God awful dentistry places use.

"Um, hi. Who's this, might I ask?" The speaker responded in a gorgeous British accent that I was extremely jealous of.

"You called me, but anyways, I'm Oprah Winfrey. I like to give away cars and shit to random people I meet on the street, you are?" I answered sarcastically. I heard a few heavy steps as muffled voices were shouting something, for the rest of the lads to come here, I think.

"Hi, Oprah, you are on speaker with Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Harry Styles, Liam Payne and I, Louis Tomlinson of One Direction." They seriously thought I was Oprah. Cool. I'll start giving out random stuff. Sounds good.

"Hi, One Direction. I'd love for it if you'd come and be on the sho-" Someone cut me off rather rudely.

"LOUIS. SHE'S NOT OPRAH. Oprah does not sound like that. Oprah sounds like a, like a, small burrito if burritos could talk." A deep voice shouted at Louis.

"Um, a small burrito? Right on." I answered, rolling my eyes, even though they couldn't see me.

"REVEAL YOURSELF, OPRAH IMPERSONATOR." A heavy Irish accent shouted into the phone.

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH." I giggled a little bit, I'd always wanted to say that to someone. I mentally scratched it off my bucket list as a few gasps were shed through the line.

"BooBear, she seems pretty serious. I say we leave her alone." Some new voice joined in.

"But Hazzabear! The fun's only begun!" The BooBear guy must be Louis.

"Guys, chill, I'm just Theo-Leigh from Canada. We're happy and peaceful here. Especially since I live in an igloo with penguins and polar bears." I used my sarcastic voice, praying they'd pick up on it.

"You guys still live in igloos with penguins in Canada?! You are so old fashioned across the pond!" Louis sung happily. I wasn't sure if he was being serious or if he was tormenting. I heard a small smack from the other line.

"Lou, be polite, and she was being sarcastic..." It almost seemed like that guy was the fathering figure of the group of five immature boys. That was pretty much all I had picked up on since the conversation started.

"So, uh, I have no clue who you guys are, and I'm not supposed to talk to strangers, so, bye." I was just about to hit end call but the five voices on the other end pleaded me to stay.

"We're One Direction. One dream, one band, One Direction. You know, we almost had The X Factor. Simon Cowell signed us to his record lable. Released our single What Makes You Beautiful in the states and now it's number five on the Billboard Top 100..." They stayed silent for a moment, waiting for me to pick up on the fact that they were seriously famous.

"Guess not. How about we Skype you so we can give you the whole what's in the know and then we won't be strangers anymore! Yaaaaaaay!" The guy with the Irish accent cheered a bit too loud for a phone conversation.