I use to be a somebody (Emptiness)

You ask me why I haven't been myself in so long
And Darling, if we are being honest
The answer is so simple,
Yet much too difficult to even begin a weak attempt at some kind of explanation.

You see.. My love, I haven't been myself for a very long time, growing more and more afraid every day.
Filled with a fear that the man you fell in love with is gone, like the smile in your eyes when you tell me you love me.

I mean, maybe somewhere DEEP inside there may be a small flicker of hope that the write of these words isn't yet an empty capsule.
But, honestly I stopped holding onto the possibility that there could be any life left within me, the same way you stopped holding onto me when we sleep at night.

I used to be a somebody!
I used to have so much... hope
But hope DIED somewhere around the same time that I sang the last lines.
On that night that my band played our last show.
I thought I found the... blueprints of my life, But I only found disappointment...
Emptiness...

And as I stood up on that stage, looking at the people who made life worth living...
I thought I could blink...
And when I opened my eyes,
There was nothing.

Just an empty room
Where I sat hugging my knees
Wishing I could rewind
And have a life worth living again.

If the man I was before that night looked into a mirror...
I don't think he would be able to even begin to recognize the monster he would see on the other side.
Just a subtle reflection of the mess I have become.

I'm sorry...
I don't know why I apologize when I feel no remorse
In every aspect of life
I feel like I'm marching to the beat of a dead horse

I haven't talked to God in weeks
I just keep asking Him if he's real.
If he was, do you think this is the way he would let me feel?

Here I go again,
Blaming everyone but myself.
I wish I could just clean out the compartments inside my head,
Put it in a jar up on a shelf.

I would not have to be alone with my thoughts,
Because the thoughts would not exist
And if that's what you call loneliness...
Give me loneliness...

And I'll be fixed.