These walls are closing in while heated arguments begin, slowly losing touch with reality, depression's darkness consumes me.
I welcome my old friend with open arms, his flames lick my skin and I'm instantly seducted by his charm.
Swallowed by those twisted, provoking thoughts, acting on them would only leave me distraught.
Belittling and name calling only entices my friend, he dances with excitement as I'm committed to his sin.
Rage and frustration runs deep in the veins, if he only took the time out to know my pain.
Where do I begin...going into details of my sins? What I've become is no more than a mystery, long overdue to say goodbye to our history.
I used to be a woman with courage and pride, now I'm lost wanting to disappear and permantly hide.
Do you ever miss who you used to be? I may just give in and let him dance with me.
I had a dream of him a few nights ago, he is the exact OPPOSITE of what we've all grown up to learn and know.
~candy_junky
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He's beautiful, seductive and everything you thought he wouldn't be, you feel like you've known him forever. Gravity draws you to him like a drink of water after being in a desert for two weeks.
There's no horns, no pitchfork, none of the nonsense your ancestors preached about when you were a child, he has everything you could ever possibly desire and more. He knows your thoughts, there were no words, he can make your wildest dreams come true with just his eyes boring into yours.
For a moment, I swore those hazel orbs matched mine, I was caught mesmerized watching them swirl into a greenish yellow as they mirrored mine and watched me.
I asked him, "would it be so simple to just...take me? I can no longer handle the intake of stress and missing my loves ones," and he laughed. His eyes squinted with a dimple on each cheek as he held out his hand, I reached out for it accepting his offer still staring into his eyes. He knew that I was comfortable, that I didn't mind sharing my thoughts with him...that I felt that I was at home.
How could a fallen angel that you grew up thinking was evil, with sidelings or his children with twisted faces and rotting skin with a putrid smell become so...family like?
My hand finally reached his, not as hot as I expected but remarkably smooth. As soon as I made contact with his hand I was hit with flashbacks from the past ten years. Memories that I'd forgotten about, memories that I should reflect on on a daily basis but no...HE brought them to my attention whether I wanted to see or feel them or not.
*First Flashback*
I was lying on the couch holding my stomach in so much pain, I would've done anything to make it go away. I manage to make it to the bathtub drawing a bath. Only moments after easing in, all I saw was red, I'd never aeen so much blood in my life. I get to the hospital and the doctor is telling me to push. After giving all the strength that I had, I brought a beautiful baby girl into the world. I began to whimper as I held his hand recalling these memories that I haven't thought about in so long.
Immediately, she was a bit older, we were sitting on the floor and I stood her up holding her hands as she took her first step. Next, I saw her running around and she stopped and looked up at me as she said her first word, then lost her first tooth in kindergarten.
How come I couldn't remember these important details but a beautiful stranger could show me as if I'm reliving these moments. I tried to jerk my hand away but he gripped it tighter, then I saw myself packing a bag and it was dark outside. I go to the hospital and after waiting ten long hours, I gave birth to my son. He was perfect just like my daughter. He was everything I wanted and I was now complete.
Shortly after, he showed me my son's first words, his first few steps outside in the grass. I felt a tear slip from my eye and run down my cheek. "Are you ready to come home?" he asked me as I was enjoying my borrowed memories. His demons slowly crowding behind him excitedly as they wait for my answer. They wanted my company...he wanted my company, but why? Why so eagerly?
It would be so easy to accept, I would never worry or stress ever again. This nightmare would be over. But...after seeing those painful, exciting memories, I can't and won't give in to him that easy. He has enough power to surge my brain with these beautiful moments of my past, my absolute favorite memories but who's to say the powerful damage that he could do and I'd be stuck every second living it for all eternity?
"No." I jerked my hand away relieved that he'd let it go. "I can't... I can't leave the ones that love me behind." I noticed his eyes flash a blood shade of red. He held up his right hand with a finger in the air silencing the demons behind him. "I can assure you that you will be well taken care of and I will give you anything you please as long as you're with me. Please do me the honors and enlighten me who will miss you, who would cry themselves to sleep to not have you in their life? A few tears may be shedded but you will be soon forgotten about, dear. The same as if you were still breathing the same air as everyone else, like it always has been."
That was like a knife in the gut, that hurt but I knew it wasn't true. Masterful manipulation to the mind.. I won't give him the satisfaction of his mind games trying to pull me in. "You must enjoy a life of constant misery and chaos, is that not why you're standing in front of me? Is there a different reason that you came? No. You swallowed a bottle of pills taking the easy way out and had a choice yet you decided to come to me."
Maybe I was confused. All I've ever wanted was to be happy and give love to people around me. I can't leave the ones that do love and care for me in turmoil. "I'm sorry, I thought I wanted this, but I've changed my mind."
His demeanor was calm, "are you sure about this? I'm normally not the one to give trials or...test runs to see if it may meet your standards or what not." He folded his arms across his chest as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Yes I'm sure." I answered as I wondered if he was getting amusement out of this.
"So be it. Although, you must be careful what you wish for, it very well could boomerang back and bite you in the ass, dear." He smirked, just as I thought.
And just like that I awoke abruptly in my bed, I took in my surroundings to be sure that I was home. Home. A place where you can live comfortably and safe from harm's way. Even the sound of it is relaxing. I haven't felt at home since I was a child. I could hear my mother crying from the next room. "I'm on my way, thanks for calling." Her footsteps echoed down the hall getting closer to my room."
As soon as she made it to my room she sat on my bed wrapping her arms around me crying hysterically into my shoulder. "Mom, what's wrong?" I asked her.
"She pulled back and we looked at each other for a moment before she spoke. "Your dad was in a horrific accident. He fell out of a thirty foot tree and landed in the wood chipper. How does that even happen? I can't even identify his body because there's no--" I couldn't hear the rest, I grabbed her and sobbed over the death of my father.
A death in my family as soon as I wake up...was this Lucifer's work of my chaotic life boomeranging back to me because I didn't accept his offer? I see he's going to use that to his advantage of making my life a living hell since I didn't stay there with him.
