At the moment. And by moment I mean all of this. Nvm, for the rest of my life. And my dogs. I feel the only people that are going to love me. My teddy bear. And my dog. Yeah maybe some of my friends but guess what. This summer, will be the summer of my lonley ness. I won't go to see any of my friends so I am going to slowly loose them and than we will hardly speak at school but the rest of the group will be all fine and love eachother because they all saw eachother over the summer.
I literally went home and cried on the last day of school because I know, a friendship or two will be gone and things will never going to be the same because I'm a horrible person, and friend, that's what my dad said because I didn't give my friend a blanket or some shit.
I think this summer. I'll just be alone in my room listing to YouTube and watching Netflix. Sobbing on my bed while everyone is away.
I will cry into my teddy bear and try to calm myself down before anyone gets home. Or just cry in the shower.
2017 was already a shitty year from the start for many reasons.
I have a lot of things to be great full for, yeah I know I've been told many times because belive this, a lot of my family is religious. And some other people just told me.
But sometimes I think about killing myself because I see a bottle of pills. But then I think of my dog. And all of the stuffed animals I will leave behind and I swear to God. If I kill myself and they get sold. I'm coming back to haunt them bitches and fucking kill them.
But other times I think about what would actually happen. Is there really a hell or heaven? What will I see?
And then I just get really deep into thought and it's to late. My parents or someone is already home. I could just "take a shower" but let's face it. "I'm to scared to actually do it"
The truth
I'm not really that scared. I guess I'm just afraid to let some things go.
But don't test me.
Because if you push me enough
I will shot myself in the head
Hang myself
Or bleed to death by cutting myself.
I just WISH I would die. I want to die. I don't care for living anymore. Dying is all I'm focused on. Maybe a natural thing will happen. Or a car crash.
I just want to die. I can picture it now.
Driving to a friend's house. And then BAM
A car runs a red light and hits us.
The car struck the backseat where I was. And what a surprise I was on that side. The car hits with force (of course) and, well I think you know what happens next.
There is blood everywhere.
The ambulance is there and the police. They drive me to the hospital and pronounce me dead after my heart has stopped beating.
Of course no one could have done anything.
I was dying slowly from impact of my head and the rapid bleeding coming from my "scalp and nose"
I'm buried. My family is there. It's raining. Everyone is wearing black. I'm lying there. Dead. Cold and pale. The casket is closed and waiting for it to be buried 6 feet deep with my body rotting in it.
Now you know what I think my death will be like.
Bloody.
That is how I hope I die.
I want to die tragically. I don't care if that makes me look bad or insane or something like that. We all have our differences.
