Where Did The Beat Go?

The Ultimate Silence

How many times have you slid down that wall

crouched in a corner, hands in hair?

The breaking position.

I know it well.

Here you let your soul go

So vulnerable.

So much despair.

Yet so innocent.

You're tired, so tired

People think youre lying.

I'm tired so tired.

They'd never think to ask what you're tired of.

But if you are in this position now, you know.

Youre tired, of living.

Because what's the use?

You're not popular, you're not smart, you're not special.

You're a nobody.

Who'd miss you.

Nobody misses a nobody.

You release your head nail prints hidden by scars

and let them drop to your lap.

You lean back,

and let your head hit that wall,

because all the sudden it is much too heavy to hold.

Stare, you find a focal point and try not to lose yourself.

No, try to find yourself.

Because at this point, you're probably already lost.

Breathe.

Feel your lungs expand.

The choking noises decrease, till your left in dead silence.

You hear water rushing downstairs.

The clang of dishes being washed.

So stupid, so unaware that you've almost crossed over

you're nearly there.

Nearly there.

You think of them.

Your family.

Oblivious, because you're afraid to let the down.

Clueless, because they think they know you.

But they don't, they don't know you.

Not at all.

Were you always this way?

Yes, no, maybe?

No, but does it matter?

You are now.

And nothing's changing.

The silence is getting to you.

A dark shadow grips your throat.

You gasp, but of course there is no physical pain.

No evidence that your collapsing inside yourself,

Nothing to show others that yes, something is robbing you

Blocking your way to happiness.

Just self erosion.

You're alone, all alone.

Your mind starts cycling again.

Who am I?