to my guardian angel of a father

feeling down

Dad...
I feel sick to my stomach all the time, I don't know what's wrong with me, but mom's not well, she has a new boyfriend and he's nice, but he's a tad bit controlling. Mom won't let me see her ex husband or... my step dad, leo, I miss him a lot. Two more years and I can do whatever I want, it will be my world, I get a little studio appartment, and I'll fend for myself. I'll be who I want and see who I want to without someone always crawling on my back breathing in my ear.
I know Leo is mad st me because we left each other on such bad terms, but I promise nobody was hurt.
I just feel like I crush everything in my path, relationships, family, emotions, even my own life.
What did I do to become like this?
I never ment to hurt anybody...
I just want to be happy, and I thought that being away from Leo would make me happy, but.... it didnt.... I'm even more measurable then I was there. I feel like there's a huge weight on my stomach that pushed down every time I speak, and nobody can save me. I just wish I could hug him one last time and apologize for the way I treated him, for the way I acted, he treated me like a princes.... And I took that for granted and crushed my chances of being happy. My mom said no to the college I want to go to, but leo, he said go for it, he didn't want to hold me back from what I wanted to do, now I'm going to be stuck in new Jersey for the rest of my life, well.... just the rest of my life in high school really...
I'll be my own person when the time comes, and I can't wait till then.
I'm trying my best, I know it's not the best you would want dad, but I'm tryijng my hardest to keep my heads up...

I hope your proud of me....