chapter 4

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But, as the weeks passed, i began to dislike the animal more and more. I do not know why, but i hated the way he loved me. Soon, i began to hate him- but i was never unkind to him. Yes, i was very careful about that. I kept away from him because i remembered what i did to my poor Pluto. I also hated the animal because he only had one eye. I noticed this the morning after he came home with me. Of course, this only made my dear wife love him more!

But the more i hated the cat, the more he seemed to love me. He followed me everywhere, getting under my feet all the time. When i sat down, he always sat under my feet all the time. When i sat down, he always sat under my chair. Often he tried to jump on my knees. I wanted to murder him when he did this, but i did not. I stopped myself because i remembered Pluto, but also because i was afraid of the animal.

How can i explain this fear? It was not really a fear of something evil... But then how else can i possibly describe it? Slowly, this strange fear grew into horror. Yes, horror. If i tell you why, you will not believe me. You will think i am mad.

Several times, my wife took the cat and showed me the white shape on his chest. She said the shape was slowly changing. For a long time i did not believe her, but slowly, after many weeks, i began to see that she was right. The shape was changing. Its sides were becoming straighter and straighter. It was begginig to look more and more like an object... After a few more weeks, i saw what the shape was. It was impossible not to see! There, on his frond, was the shape of an object i am almost too afraid to name... It was that terrible machine of pain and death- yes, the GALLOWS*

I no longer knew the meaning of happiness, or test. During the day, the animal never left me. At night he woke me up nearly every hour. I remember waking from terrible dreams and feeling him sitting next to my face, his heavy body pressing down on my heart!

I was now a very different man. There was not the smallest piece of good left in me. I now had only evil thoughts- the darkest and the  most evil thoughts. I hated everyone and everything, my dear wife too.

*the gallows. The place where criminals are hanged.

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