Depression in The Teenage Mind

The 6th Grade (Part 1)

   "Depression is like this deep, dark, terrifying ocean that has these things in it to keep you under the water. It's like you're infinitely drowning for the rest of your life. You're struggling and fighting to get to the surface but you just can't. And you're just watching all these people as they're walking around with their friends...breathing, and you get jealous because they're not struggling. You want to be like them. You want to be able to breathe without being worried of dying. When you finally stop struggling and just give up. You drown. Water fills your lungs and you die. It's like you're commiting suicide because you just give up. You didn't keep struggling to keep your life. You just gave up and died."

   Those are the words I used to describe my depression in 6th grade. You must be thinking... "How can a child at that age have those sorts of thoughts?". Well, I did. I haven't had the greatest life. Good things rarely happen to me. And the bad just keep overlapping the good so eventually I forget what's good in my life.

   Let's see the good we've forgotten in 6th grade.
  -My parents are together.
  -My siblings are still in contact with me.
  -My grandmothers and my grandfather are still healthy and alive.
  -I'm an all A student
  -I'm spoiled as hell
  -I can afford food
  -I have a TV in my room(most didn't at that age)
  -I still have my cat, Kiki. And my dog, Jagger.
  -There's so much more I'm not writing it all.

   All of that for an 11 year old is great. I had everything I coukd ask for at that age, yet I was still depressed. I developed depression because of people. The people at school specifically. I wasn't the most popular girl. Well, I wasn't anywhere near popular in 6th grade. Everything had changed for me. I had lost all my friends, I started to become bullied, and it felt as if my life was falling apart.

  The first full day of middle school was the hardest. I was in a class called ILH. ILH was a class to help kids do better in school when they're falling behind. I wasn't falling behind at all, my mother had put me in the class so I didn't have any homework. I had ILH 5th hour and I sat in the front by the teachers desk. I was quiet because I obviously knew nobody. I always remember hearing everyone giggling and staring at me as I did my work. I had no idea what was funny until this year when my friend, who used to be one of my bullies, told me why. She said that everyone thought I was this satanic freak who murdered her parents at the age of 6. The rumors lasted for about a month until I went to the office about it. They had said if they heard anyone else talk about it they would get in-school suspension for 2 days.

  The rumors continued as no one cared since they knew the office wouldn't do anything further. I ended up getting bullied from the beginning of 6th grade, to the beginning of 8th grade and it ended. It started up again in the beginning of 9th grade(which I'm at the end on currently as it is May 30th today) and is still continuing today.

   As the bullying worsened my dad got a call saying that my grandmother is in the hospital due to a stroke. This was a bad stroke. My grandma had to learn to walk again and talk again and learn what hand/eye coordination was. She still has problems speaking today. She mixes up him/her all the time. So according to my grandma I am a guy and my father is a girl. Thats just how she understand things now.

  I'm going to write more about this some other time, probably continue on to part 2 within the next week, 6th grade wasn't all that bad and there isn't that many memories to dwell on. So this won't be a long section. Just wanted to get some out there.