More or Less

Chapter 9 • Losing Balance

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Alisha's POV

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Stephon bangs his fist against the bathroom door and hollers at me to let him in.

"No," I said through the door in a strangely calm tone, "Leave me alone. I need to think."

I sat on the floor with my back against the wall and my head between my knees. After puking horribly, this was the only position that I felt comfortable in. I felt as if the world was crumbling, the pieces falling atop of me, and slowly burying me alive.

A baby? A little, helpless being who's a part of him and I? Someone who would require my undivided attention and force me to tell Ma about?

Whom, I know for sure, won't take it so lightly.

For some unexplainable reason, the thought makes me abruptly queasy. I buck over the toilet bowl and vomit whatever was left in my tummy, which wasn't much. Stephon grows quiet as he listens to my misery, and I'm sure that it pains him to witness it.

"Bootyhead..." He whispered in utter despair, "Open the door."

The emotion in his tone halts my breath. He sounded weak, tired, lost, and defeated. It brings tears to my eyes and made me feel like an absolute bitch. This isn't only my problem. It's his problem, too. I didn't create this baby by myself, but it is my fault for not using any protection.

My period is irregular. Sometimes it comes once a month, every month. Other times, it comes once every three months. On rare occasions, it's absent for an entire year. I've even asked my doctor about it, and she said that it may have something to do with my anemia. She also said that I may not be able to carry a child, so I guess, in the back of my head, I always thought that I wouldn't need protection when I had sex..

I rub my tummy and smile a little. The feeling was bitter sweet. I'm happy to know that my body is capable of bearing child, but I'm sad because of the time. I'm not ready to have a baby. In a way, I'm still a baby myself - Still growing and learning as I try to find my place in this God forsaken earth.

I wouldn't even be a good mother.

My mind isn't completely ready to handle the demands and pressures of raising a child. I still have trouble with remaining sane and keeping my impulses under control. I just graduated this year and got my driver's licence, so I'm still in the process of becoming an adult.

I wasn't planning on having a baby until I was atleast twenty-five, so I've practically skipped ahead seven years.

Seven.. Full.. Years.

Do you know what I could have accomplished in those seven years? I would be in such a better condition to raise a family. I would probably be married, too...

"Stephon?" I quietly said.

"I'm still here," He reassured.

"Can we go out for breakfast?" I almost begged as my voice begins to crack. I wipe my tears and cough the bile out from within my throat, "Please?"

Stephon sighs in relief.

"Of course, Bootyhead."

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Stephon and I walk into Olive Garden in silence. It's only eleven in the morning, so the restaurant was fairly empty and we were seated quickly. The waiter offered us a booth or table, but I quickly said table before Stephon could answer. I knew if we went to a booth, he would be tempted to sit beside me, and I'm not in the mood to be touched. The waiter's name is Melinda. She's blonde, short, and super friendly. When she notices my sad expression, she brings a cup of wine to the table, gives me a wink, and walks away. My mood brightens a little and I immediately like her. Stephon watches me carefully as I take a sip, but he doesn't say a word about it. He drinks his dark coffee in silence.