Charcoal

One

I was living in a care home not that far away from Rio de Janeiro at the time. I had just recovered from a disease that i could not speak of. This home was a fowl place. Dreary, unwanted and wet. Not in dampness wet, the kind of wet that is boring. I had never been in a place like it. The walls were grey from top to bottom, the beds were white with grey stripes across the bottom. The carpets were cream from all the people wearing them out. And the tiles in the kitchen, and this is the worst bit, were black and white. It was NOT the black that i had seen that day. IT was NOT that black that had memories. It was a horrible black that sat there like dust on a high up shelf. The black gave me bad memories... bad not good.

I was sitting on the bed in the room that was not my own listening to the shouting of the head care worker at a little boy i had hardly ever took notice of. It sounded troubling though, i am not sure what happened after that, but i heard a terrible silence. A silence that was daunting to hear. I tiptoed down the crooked stairs and sneaked into the main dining space which was jointed with the kitchen where it happened. I could not see anything at first but after looking high and low i finally saw the thing. The thing that i saw on that day. That thing...

In shock i stood there like a total idiot watching this thing. Once i could actually concentrate on it, it seemed to look like a baby panda. A baby panda eating our bananas from the market that we went to a couple of days back. It stared me in the eyes as i looked at its gorgeous black fur. That black, black fur...

It sat munching away on the ripe yellow bananas that were the only delicacy in this place. It looked starved, you could see it's boney ribs sticking out of the side of it's body. It had a snowy white patch on it's left eye that looked as if a snowball had just hit it's face. I heard a creak of someones footsteps coming down the stairs, so i panicked, lifted up the little panda softly but quickly and hid under the marble stone counter. The footsteps travelled into the kitchen past the table and chairs to the fridge. I heard the screwing of a lid the pouring of liquid and the lifting of a glass. The footsteps reversed the same way that they had came in and my shoulders weighted down like bricks had just been lifted off them. I guess i hadn't really taken into account that i still had the panda in my arms, so i looked down and saw it snuggling into my long scarf with parrots on it that i was given when i was unwell. He looked all higglety, pigglety like a little puppy on its back with is arms and legs twisted up in the air. It's piercing black eyes looked back at me. Fixed his eyes on me and stopped doing everything - well i say everything but that banana he couldn't resist. Every 20 seconds he would slowly and carefully lift the fruit up to his mouth and take a nibble. I sat there stunned. I had seen television programmes of jungle animals and they said never to touch them as they might be vicious and have a disease - like rabies. But this one wasn't vicious, unless it was studying its pray and about to pounce.

My legs had pins and needles, so as i tried to get up with the panda in my arms, i could feel the blood gushing to my toes. I finally got up and sat the animal back on the cold, marble surface of the counter. It still had the banana in it's hand but had finished most of it. I thought - ideas sprinting around my head like professional runners. Shall i leave it? But then the head care worker would find it and yell at it like that boy. Shall i take it? Or then they might find it in my room - but not if i lock the door.

Thoughts and questions still rushed through my brain. Forcing me not to think of anything or anyone else. The panda that i had now called charcoal was sitting stationary in the corner of my grey walled and cream carpeted room. The birds outside were serenading him almost like a welcoming song. He, sitting calmly and quietly was examining a marble that was found under my bed. I had thought about running away before, back to the rainforest, but had never thought that it would be possible. But on my own i was lonely, what would i do all day? But with a companion of any sort - big, small,short,tall- it would be different. There would be someone there for me. Someone to keep me company when boredom had got the better of me. Someone who would reassure me when the storms came, when the trees swayed from side to side like a wrecking ball. And i knew somehow this animal could do just that.