Yesterday - Now Complete

Part 16

As they had arranged, by Friday lunch time Annie was ready and waiting for Paul by the living room window.  She had explained to her parents what was happening that day. Her mother had expressed concern over the idea, fearful of it upsetting Annie unduly, but she was determined to go. She gave a cry of delight when she saw his car pull into the drive and rushed out to greet him. As he got out of the car Annie swamped him with a hug then kissed him on the lips. Surprised but delighted, Paul kissed her back. Annie, ignoring calls from her mother, then got into Paul's car then he began to drive.

"So where are going to do this Paul?" Annie asked him.

He gave her a quick glance then smiled. "I thought that, depending on the weather, we could either go up to Hampstead Heath or St John's Park. Which would you prefer?"

"I'll go with what you think is best." she replied.

"I was thinking that probably the hill in the park. It's not as far for you to walk. I know you get tired quickly at the moment."

Annie nodded and gave his leg a squeeze to say thank you. He gave her a smile and then carried on driving. The car pulled into the very familiar driveway of Cavendish Avenue. Annie smiled.

"Home sweet home."

"You think?" Paul sounded surprise.

"I always thought this was a beautiful house Paul. It makes a cosy home. I loved living here!"

Paul studied her for a moment. "I'm glad to hear you say that Annie." He smiled at her and took her hand. "It could be our cosy home Annie. Think about it. You, me and the baby...living together as a family. I'd love and protect you both."

Annie stared at him, stunned. She opened her mouth to reply but then closed it again, unsure of what to say. Paul remained silent, kicking himself for saying that at the moment he had. Instead he got out of the car and let Annie into the house. It was calm and quiet and immediately Annie felt more relaxed than she had ever felt since leaving the hospital.

"Make yourself at home Annie love," said Paul, "I'll go and put the kettle on."

Paul stood in the kitchen, deep in thought, whilst he waited for the kettle to boil. He had mixed feeling about Annie's reaction to his offer about a home with him. She hadn't said yes...but neither had she said no. He hoped she wasn't offended by his offer...particularly since she was with him to say good bye to Antony. He sighed, made the drinks then returned to the living room. Annie was sat on the sofa, her feet and and her eyes closed.

"Annie." He whispered.

Her eyes opened slowly. 

"Hi. Sorry." she said apologetically, "I'm just so tired. I didn't sleep much last night.

Paul smiled and placed her cup on the table in front of her.

"Oooh lovely, thanks Paul."

He smiled. 

"By the time we've had this, we can get everything ready then go to the park."

Annie nodded. Paul put his cup down and reached into the desk drawer close to his seat. He took out a packet of balloon.

"Do you have a colour preference Annie?" he asked softly.

"Blue." she replied, "It was a colour he wore a lot. It suited him."

Nodding, Paul took out a blue balloon and began to blow it up. Once done, he tied the end.

"What do you think?"

Annie smiled. "Lovely."

"When you're ready," he continued softly, "this is the card where you write what you want to say either about Anthony... or that you would like to say to him."

Annie nodded and took the card and pen from Paul. 

"I've already decided what I want to write." she told him quietly, "I decided last night, after you rang me back."

Paul nodded. He stood up. "I'll take these back into the kitchen and let you do it in peace Annie."

By the time Paul returned to Annie, her message was finished but she was sat in tears. He sat next to her and pulled her close. He simply let her cry, knowing that was what she needed to do. 

"Sorry." she whispered to him. moving and sitting up to face him.

He kissed her on the forehead. "You don't need to apologise Annie. Cry as much as you need to sweetheart. I know from experience, that helps you heal."

Annie smiled and settled with her head against his chest. She wondered when Paul had cried so much, but didn't have the nerve to ask. 

"Do you still feel you want to do this Annie?"

She nodded.

"Come on  then."

 He stood up and offered Annie his hand. She stood up and took the offered hand. He gave her hand a squeeze. 

"I'll be with you all the time. We can take as long as you need. OK?"

She nodded. "Thank you."

The drive to St John's Park was brief. In the March twilight streets were very quiet and Paul unnoticed by people hurrying home from work in the cold. Taking her hand once more, they walked through the park to the steep hill, aptly named Angels Hill in the middle of the park. By the time they had climbed to the top Annie was breathless. Paul lead her to the bench on the brow of the hill. As they rested the took in the views of the surrounding area.

"I always think the twinkling street lights look so nice at night." said Annie quietly. 

"I know what you mean." agreed Paul.

They sat in silence for a few more moments. 

"I think it's time now Paul." said Annie.

Even in the twilight, he could see tears sparkling in her eyes. He nodded and stood up. Once more he offered her his hand and lead her to the brow of the hill.

"Do you want to say anything before you release the balloon Annie love?" he asked softly.

She shook her head.

"Sure?"

She nodded. "I'm sure." She paused. "So what do I do now Paul?"

"Well, the idea is that when you feel ready, you release the balloon. The idea is that by releasing the balloon, you're beginning to let go of the pain and hurt the death has caused as well as saying those good byes you can't do for whatever reason."

Annie smiled. "What a beautiful symbol."

Paul nodded.

"Right." Annie faced the panorama in front of them. "I love you Anthony. You will always have a place in my heart." 

She let go of the balloon and sighed deeply. Paul wrapped his arms around her wait and held her Together they watched and waited until the balloon disappeared out of view.