A Necklace

Preface

Each time I remember that one day I'll die, everything around me disappears and slowly I fall into an anxiety attack. It's like I've just discovered that one day I'll cease to exist. Last night was different though. I was asleep and suddenly I woke up...Just popped right up where I lay, breathing hard, tears streaming down my face. I questioned my purpose here. I demanded to know why I was struggling through life only to die in the end. No more than a few minutes passed before I drifted back to sleep.

I remember the first time I found out that humans died. I had to be 6 or 7 and I had gotten upset after watching an episode of Baywatch, where a plane crashed and killed several people. I ran right into my parents room, crying. My dad asked me what was wrong and when I told him what I'd seen he laughed.

"You don't have to worry about dying."

I felt immediate relief, until he continued. 

"Not until you're very old," he'd said.

I slept with them that night.

Then, there was a time in high school, on the way to track practice, when the thought came over me and I just stopped at the top of the hill the team climbed down to reach the track. A team mate who I'd cut off moved beside me and asked if I was ok.

"You ever thought about the fact that one day we won't be here anymore?" I asked.

"Nope, but it happens to everyone no big deal."

And just like that she dismissed my thought and continued on. I picked up my pace to catch up with her.

"But don't you think it's crazy? That we're here now and then one day we won't be?"

Sounding aggregated she replied, " Erin, it's no big deal, we all have to do it. Have you ever thought about the fact that at one point we didn't exist to begin with?"

Was that supposed to make me feel better? It didn't it, but it was that day that I became determined to find my purpose.