ten.
There are times that Jasper Haxon acts coldly towards Jade Miller and meant it, but this morning isn’t one of them. He hadn’t meant to snap at her like that, to throw those words of knives at her, cutting a gash in her heart, because they stung him as much as they did Jade. But he isn’t going to let his emotions dwell on him – not now, when the only thing he ever sees whenever he closes his eyes is his best friend’s corpse, blue-lips and red-wrists, his feet dangling off the ceiling.
He notices the changes in Jade when she enters the car. She avoids his eyes, and for once, she’s quiet. She shoves her trembling hands under her thighs.
“Seatbelt,” he hates having to say that out of all things he could’ve said to her. Clucking her tongue, she yanks the seatbelt into safety. When he pulls the gear and begins to drive away, she says, “Drop me off at the bus station after the next traffic light.”
He gives her a weary look, and out of all things he can do to insist her, he laughs. “You’re serious?”
“What? Of course I am!”
“I know you’re.”
“Looks like you underestimated me, Haxon.” A hot, stingy lump rises in his throat at her mention of his last name. He swallows it like the time he swallowed his first shot of vodka when he was sixteen, a burning sensation so hot his blood rushes all over him. He clenches his jaw in order to stay cool but it’s useless anyway. It’s hard to stay cool for the past week, what with the dead best friend and the remarkable beauty travelling with him that he can’t even decide whether to scream at her or kiss the living shit out of her face.
“Jasper. Always Jasper. Never that, never.”
“Okay, Jasper. Thank you for all of these – the ride and the food and for putting up with me – and I really appreciate that you haven’t kidnapped me yet, I really am, but I think I’ve got it from here. Just drop me off at the bus. You can go to the places you wanted and I can go home by bu-”
“And, what? You’re hoarding all those,” he jerks his head behind, at the flowers, “in a bus? Where people will be giving you rude stares and even laugh at you?”
“People laugh at me all the time. They think I’m funny.”
“Wouldn’t have guessed.”
“Exactly. So yeah, thanks for your help. I’m capable of finding my way home.”
“You might, but what’s the point? Tomorrow is Christmas’s Eve, for god’s sake. There won’t be any tickets available. Even if there’s one, the bus won’t arrive until a few hours later. And I thought you’re in a rush to get home.”
He looks at her and dares a smile. She’s hesitating, twirling with the loose thread of her sweater, a simple gesture indicating that he’s winning. She stares at the lap and gives his words some thought, and he knows that he won he won he won, just like that.
“And I thought you wanted to get rid of me so bad you’d sing cheesy songs for it.”
“I wouldn’t ever do that.”
“Which?”
“Sing cheesy songs. Getting rid of you? Probably.”
“God. I wish I understand you, Jasper.”
“That’s what they said. But worry not, you have extra time to figure me out.”
She both sighs and grunts at the same time. In his periphery vision, he sees her head is down again. She’s back to reading and he’s back to figuring himself out.
✥
“My head is throbbing oh God.”
“Then stop reading.”
“I can’t. You know for sure why.”
He does.
✥
Jade is shaking all over. Her hands shake as she closes the back cover of The Book Thief, her lips quivers as she says a sequence of bad words Jasper hadn’t expect coming from her, and as she throws the book – literally – back in the dashboard, her hands are still shaking and she’s gasping and running out of curse words to say but no, not a single tear escaped her eyes because Jasper hits the break before she starts crying.
The worse thing is that Jade doesn’t even try to protest him for that. She simply holds her face in her hands and her elbows on her knees and her tears in her palms. Her lips form words he can’t hear, and just like that, he unlocks his seatbelt and brings her to his arms, never mind that the hand break is piercing through his thigh and his Vans just smeared at a spot in his car, never mind because she’s in his arms and he’s kissing her hair and whispering words in her ear. “How about a kiss, Saumensch?” he says.
That makes Jade punches his chest with her shaky hands and cries even harder.
