Dear Depression,
Want to know how I got those scars? I tried to cut out every fragment of you from the depths of my mind. Want to know how I got those scars? I tried to burn away your taunts and punch the words you whispered in secret out of my ears. You know how I got those scars; you made me believe that self-harm was the only way to be free when in fact, it only made me more of a slave to you. I fell for your malicious tricks.I fell for those vicious words of hate you whispered in secret every night. Yes, I fell...
You made me feel worthless. I turned to self-destruction. I tried to run away, but the shackles you gave me imprisoned me to your mentality. I wanted to stop, look away, run, but couldn't. It was too late. Every time I felt lonely, you forced the blade to scream: ''I am here for you; nobody else really is.'' and as I let the razor glide across my striped skin and the drops of my crimson red blood drop to the floor beneath me, you chuckle with laughter; a vicious cry of triumph. You won again as I found relief for a short while.
Everybody thought I was just a normal, happy girl. They say that ''Sometimes the ones who have the brightest smiles are the ones who have known and endured deep darkness''. It's true. Nobody saw the emotional wreck, the heavy load I carried on my back. A victim of abuse, bullied, abandoned, rejected . I thought you were the friend I could turn to but you were just another placebo, holding me by the throat with bare hands until I gave in.
You helped me erase all the beauty out of my life and painted a new canvas; but there was no light colours. Only darkness. You pushed me down and buried me deeper and deeper into a black hole. You turned every friend against me, showing my weaknesses; you were a traitor...Turning everyone into a vicious enemy, you were slowly killing me with the most powerful sword you could hand them..their words.
Everyday, you sucked the happiness out of me. You put me in prison. I was trapped in a world filled with sorrow and sadness, dreading each day, hoping there will be no tomorrow. You said I would be happier. You said the pain would end. You lied. Misleading me into the worst of all paths, pulling the strings, creating a monster withing my mind. You made me befriend the blade; a friend and an enemy. It was as if I lost the key to the prison cell; held onto a chain which couldn't be broken.
But now, I am taking off the noose you once placed around my neck and will use it to tie you up as my captive. I am dispatching you to a cold, dark dungeon of my forgotten memories. How does it feel to be alone and helpless? Welcome to the nightmare I have lived in for so many years. I am no longer your hostage. I have broken the shackles of my pain and escaped from the darkness behind your Cheshire cat smile.
I no longer swallow the pills of deceitful philosophies that you prescribed me. I'm tearing down the barricades that kept all my friends away from seeing the ruins of my torn heart. You made me believe no one cared to prevent the opportunity of a helping hand. But I am not going to sacrifice myself to you anymore,but instead, I'm going to speka of joy and hope to others who are still enslaved under you.
Want to know how I got those scars? These are battle wounds. Want to know how I got those scars? I have broken the chains and ripped down the prison walls. I built a solid bridge to this side. I have abandoned an enemy that I thought was a friend. I have shed the stripes and the tiger skin that covered my pale body. I have escaped your viciousness and finally let go of your hand. It was a rather one sided relationship; I gave my energy, my self-belief, my confidence and you took them all and jumped up and down on them until they were stamped deep into the mud.
I thought I had seen the last of you but even after I reached out for a helping hand, you were there knocking on the door, desperately trying to come in, reminding me how worthless I was . But now you are the prisoner. I am free of your so called 'remedies'. I am free of all the secrets you pushed down into my mind. Yes I am closing this chapter. Now, I am free.
