I put my left foot on the top edge of the old and hunted building, a cold wind began to blow at the same time making me lose my balance, I was to fall; but my self defense mechanism were far fast and I quickly spread my arms and joined my legs on the edge together. I sighed, relieved that the wind stopped I stayed still not daring to move a muscle for a few seconds, but as I looked at my spread arms I could not help it but to laugh a bit wryly at myself, I was scared to fall, I put both my palms on my chest feeling my heart, it was still beating fast as never, I was still shaking a bit. I closed my eyes taking a long breath, I adjusted my position, clinching my fists at each side of my body. What an irony I thought to myself, I was scared back then, no lie to be said I am still scared to die and I am the one who took the expense of coming here to put an end to her life. What a pathetic creatures we are, human beings. We are weak, break easily, desperate, we seek death in every single day of our life deeming it to be the only way to escape yet we retreat, hang dear onto the life we once wanted to dispose when our wishes are granted. In this wretched world, we all born as white as papers, as pure as angels but once we start perfecting the inherited sins turning ourselves to demons in disguise, coloring our souls darker than black. killing every single bit of humanity we once had, we start forgetting who we really are. So tell me. Look at me now and tell me. Listen to my cries and answer me. How this crazy world works? Who am I? who is this inside of me, an angel or a demon? Would you please put me to rest, anyone, I beg for you, anyone please save me, set my soul free.
looking back from where I'm standing now, there were a lot of things I wanted to say, a lot of things I wanted to do; but all what I found myself doing is standing in my place still; and no matter how hard I tried and started moving I will end up moving in my place. No matter how loud I screamed no one seemed to listen. It was always like this, no matter how fast I moved, no matter how louder I talked, I ended up being stuck, stuck in my place, I was tired of running and following everything that was moving too fast to reach, but the truth is I was tired of this life I was living in, to be honest I have always knew deep down my heart that one day I will end up where I was standing now, on the top of a rusting, old and hunted building, I knew that walking down the street of my broken hopes and dreams will lead me to my last resort among them. Life is a big game, a spider's web of lies, and you should be a player, a hunter in order to live it and I guess I wasn't. Broken, shattered and damaged, I stand here welcoming my end. I let my eyes hover over the sky for the last time, it was much closer and vaster when I was young, everything seemed to be very simple and tempting when we were young, but now, the sky was so out of my reach as everything in this life was. A faint sound of thunder from somewhere near, cloudy skies, perhaps it will rain, I thought to my self and it did, a cold and small drops fell over my face before it started to fall heavily, the sensation was undeniable. I was soaked wet within few minutes, my white dress was dripping, a shiver run through my slim body every time the wind blow, yet I liked how it made me feel, just the way it supposed to be, that inside, under those layers of darkness, I was still a human being, that I was weak to the bones. A wet tufts of my hair were all over my face but what I really felt were not them or the rain drops anymore, what I really felt running down my cheeks were my tears, why was I crying? Was it because it was the end, or was it because I can't take it anymore? Whatever was the answer, I let my tears freely fall and wash the sadness over me, I cried like I never did before, it was okay, the rain will cover my tears up and it was okay to scream, the thunder will roar loudly enough so no one would hear it. I cried and cried, until I lost the sense of time, the rain suddenly stopped falling, leaving me drenched wet and shivering with every blowing wind. I lifted my gaze to the sky, the sun was still held prisoner under those heavy and dark clouds. I let the darkness envelop me as I closed my eyes, those sad and unforgettable memories came running to me, ravaging on the sanity I have left.
I slowly opened my eyes,still, there was no sun but more darkness fell, I was tired, cold, scared and many more feelings raged inside of me, feelings I forgot that once existed, my body quivered a bit, I held my arms to rub on them, but all I saw were those lines covering my whole body, and I felt the tears in my eyes again. I scanned the busy city under the building, and I wondered if I jumped now, who would stir of their way and catch me? Who would pay an attention to lifeless body? I speared my hands smiling, finally I was ready to fly.
