The Girl Next Door

Hopeless

I sat cross legged on my best friends bed watching an old video on my computer. I know, who just goes on their computer at their best friends house? Well, me, obviously. And she was my best friend, but she was also my only friend so I'm not sure that counts. And she was my neighbor so, you know, kind of pathetic that I call her that. Anyway, I wasn't just being a shitty person to hang out with, she was out having an early dinner with her boyfriend. "Dinner", I think we all know what she really meant. She's 18 though so I guess it's fine. I'd been watching this video on repeat for 1 hour, plugged in from my penguin flash drive. I watched as Luke grabbed my hands now, inching his untouched lips ever closer to mine. Just then I heard the door open, and then a knock. I slammed the laptop shut and whirled around in 1 sextillionth of a second. That's what it felt like anyway. Luke looked at me confused.
"What were you doing?"
He said this in a suspicious kind of way. Like he knew I was doing something that would be widely frowned upon. Im still innocent, it's not like I was watching porn.
"Nothing" I said, obviously hiding something in my breathless voice, my heart pounding, echoing up to my head that was now throbbing with the noise from the thrill of it all. He mumbled something and started talking to me. I realized he has his shirt off. I tried to listen to him, but could only concentrate on his body. He was divine perfection. As I sat gaping at his body he said,"Are you listening?"
I ignored him, sneaking in a few more seconds of checking him out. I could play it off as I was spacing out...
"Kenzie!"
I shook myself into a more conscious state and, frazzled, said,"What?"
It's the kind of thing you would say after you woke up from a dream and you're on an airplane. A crazy sense of bewilderment that happens once a year. He looked at me in awkward uncertainty. Like he knew I was admiring him, but he didn't want to ruin our friendship and jump to conclusions.
"Can you make sure no one com..."
I already knew what he was going to ask me. I sighed and shoved past him, annoyed. At the top of the stairs I turned around and groaned,"Come on"
He smiled and patted me in the back as he slid down the simple polished wood bannister. I knew what he was going to ask because I'd been doing it for the past 6 months. I would stand outside his door and make sure his parents didn't walk him and see their "amazing" son doing lord knows what to his "perfect" girlfriend. I could hear their snickers and heavy gross kissing, turning around every now and then to be  mortified by his grabbing her everywhere on her practically naked body. I could see her fancy shirt she'd been wearing carelessly thrown on the floor. It was something I would never dream of letting out of my tight grasp. Isn't a surprise by how high and mighty she acts around us. Well, besides Luke of course. I continued periodically glancing back. I don't know why. It's not like I wanted to see my lifelong crush engaging in sexual actions with that bitch, and I was angry at Lucas for putting me through this, but I couldn't resist sneaking glances at him.  His blonde side swept bangs. His blue eyes. His damn body that he so willingly exposed.  God, you'd think he'd be so egotistical, but he's not. He's really nice, besides this anyway.  Okay, this was really starting to gat in my nerves. I shouted,"All clear" and walked down the hallway towards the door. Luke jumped up and said something. I don't know what and I don't care so I just flipped him off and continued my speed walk to the door. As I was twisting the cool metal doorknob to the outside world free of awkwardness, a voice once again stopped me. I spun around, a furious expression plastered on normally smiling face to match my fuming heart and soul and mind and any other part that supposedly produce emotions, ready to face Luke. My expression quickly softened when I saw the shoulder length brown hair of Mrs. Jackson, his mom.
"Why are you leaving so soon?"
I shrugged
"Did you have fun with Lucas?"
She smiled knowingly and I sputtered
"Yeah, yeah, it was great."
I don't think she believes me. I saw her relaxed countenance quickly snap into a confused shock, almost immediately returning to the soothing face of a mother like figure. She definitely knew.
I was an expert at telling her different faces after 15 years. This was the exact suspicious look she got. It was so cold and distant, yet, so familiar and welcoming.
"What did you guys do?"
She spoke suddenly, making my thoughts vanish from my mind. Weird how they do that, huh?
"We played video games on his",
I could tell my word choice added to her suspicions. Whenever we were on bad terms then his stuff would be his. When on good terms, all of his things would be the. Stupid me. If I had only said the. Oh well, too late now. I resumed casually, the least I could do is cover and recover. "We played on the Xbox."
She nodded dryly and continued to cook. I'm not even sure if she was cooking, actually. Maybe she just wanted to busy herself. Or she was organizing the kitchen. I don't care either way. I reached for the doorknob, but, was once again stopped.
"Do you wanna stay for dinner?"
Luke had drowsily made his way into the hall way. I think he'd went to bed?
He still had no shirt on, the stupid fuck.  He was just in my sight, and just out of sight of his mom.
"Do you wanna stay for dinner?"
I could tell she was growing impatient.
I looked at Luke's rapidly shaking head. I glanced over at my cold dark lonely house. I was completely torn. I looked desperately at Mrs, Jackson. She had that same inviting smile that she always had. I smelt meat wafting in from the oven. I don't know when that got in there, or how, but it sounded really good right now. I nodded. Luke stalked back to his room, defeated, and I patterned up the stairs to Samantha's room, plugged in the flash drive, and watched our video. Luke and I. 10 years old. My pigtails. His self cut sloppy hair. Talking. God, we were so close back then. I don't know what the hell happened. But, as the video showed, we were a little more than close. He brought his innocent 10 year old lips forward in slow motion. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and there we go. We made contact! I lit up bright red and, noticing that Samantha was filming the whole thing, ran over and punched the screen. I laughed. He was so cute. The screen went black. Guess we're back to reality. I played the video again.  And again. And again. Until Samantha pulled up in the driveway. She walked up to her room and didn't even have to look to know what I was doing.
"I think you should give that a rest, Kenzie."
Without looking at her, I said,
"You know I can't do that, I'm such a hopeless romantic."
Samantha looked at me in pity,
"Or just hopeless"
She walked away without another word. Some friend she was.