The Third Person

Part 4

After he was gone, I laid back down and tried to push those annoying thoughts out of my head. You know, the thoughts that go along the lines of "what the fuck was that" and "you better get yourself together for the rest of the evening". After miraculously failing at that, I got up and went back to the cabin, leaving my half-asleep cousin to sunbathe. I needed to understand, what was happening.

Once again I didn't know. I didn't know that it was a crush and I had no idea, why he was making me feel so nervous. I didn't have the slightest clue. However, when I got back to the cabin, I did everything I could to avoid him and his parents and got upstairs to change. I wore my favorite skirt, a blouse and put a bit of mascara on. You may recall that I was thirteen with no idea what make up even was so that mascara was a big deal. And right now I am laughing at my cluelessness, because even then I wasn't able to connect the dots and understand what was happening in my heart. I came to that conclusion only in the next morning, but before that a lot of other things happened.

When I finally got downstairs, the sun was setting and almost everyone had arrived. Fortunate for me, because that meant, that there were a lot of people, which made seeing him almost impossible. My nerves were thankful for that... But that is not really how this works, is it? You know, that you don't want to see that person, just because it simply benefits your sanity, but in the mean time you don't really care to interact with anyone else. Those butterflies in your stomach ... they annoy the hell out of you, but in the mean time they are the only things, that make you actually excited. Liking someone is so freaking confusing ... that was the night I also started to understand the reasoning behind cat ladies being cat ladies. It is just a much easier way to go, isn't it?

I was able to carry this little crazy dance by myself till the moment we sat down at the table. I had been avoiding him, while trying to think of something to say to him all until I sat down and ... See, for this to be a cute story, I should say that I sat down and the first thing I tried to see was his face, but actually no. I got distracted. I got distracted by food. I know how ... it sounds weird, but I sat down and my eyes went over the meats and seconds and salads that were spread before me. And after I had admired and smelled it all, just then I looked around to see, who was sat around me. On one side I had my mom's cousin, on the other there was a dad's buddy from university and in front of me my mom.

The disappointment I felt because I didn't see him catched me by surprise. Bear in mind that I still had no clue what my crazy hormones were doing. I quickly scanned over every person opposite me and ... there he was, almost at the other end of the table. If this would have taken place right now, I would have been disappointed because a chance for an across-table flirting would have been stolen from me. I would grieve over the winks and stolen glances that had died just because of the seating arrangement. And that was kind of my fault - hadn't I been trying to avoid him just minutes ago, I would have made the choice to sit somewhere closer. Ugh, now you see, what I meant, when I said confusing?

But there is also a reason why I said "if it would have taken place right now". Back then I didn't know what flirting really meant, so I had nothing to grieve about. I was simply disappointed, not even knowing why.

However, that part of the evening was actually pleasant - I had a nice discussion with dad's friend about music and it's impact on a person's brain and then I was apart of a conversation that my mom's cousin had with the lady beside her and it was about the movies, that were coming out next year. Turned out that the lady was one of dad's friend's wives and she was a movie critic. Pleasantly interesting - enough to take my mind off of ... things.

After about an hour the real fun started. I call it the third base of a family party. The first is the awkward arrival and all of the greetings, the second is sitting down around the table and starting a meal and then the third - when mostly everyone is tipsy, some people have gotten up to stand around the grill, then a few decide in favor of drunk speeches to congratulate the person, who is celebrating something and in that time there is always a group of ladies, who decide to take a walk and gossip or whine. This time particularly I heard a serious of amusingly feminine laughs coming from the beach...

While this third base was taking place, I found myself still sitting by the table and looking around for someone I could enjoy this circus with. It looked as though my cousin had joined the lady party by the beach, all of my dad's friends, who had proven to be interesting conversation buddies, were either drunk or on the way to be drunk, but my dad himself was by the grill acting as the chef and telling stories.

"Is this seat taken?" a voice behind me asked. Even though it sent shivers down my spine, I didn't recognize it until I turned around. He was there.

"Sure, yeah," I smiled. He sat down next to me and smiled.

"So, how are you enjoying the party?"

"Seems as though it is getting better with time.." I smirked. Yes! Score! I got this thing down!

He smiled and blushed a little. Oh, I was crushing this!

"Yeah, seems so," he answered. "I saw huge swings behind this deck. Wanna go try them out?"

Oh, honey, that is not the only thing I wanna do.. "Sure, sounds fun," I opted for something more .. appropriate.

So we went to the swings. I wish I had something interesting and juicy to tell you, but... Once again I want to say that if this would have taken place even two years later, everything would have turned out so ... juicier. But no, I was a little, naive girl. Even those comments "I got this!" or "this is not the only thing I wanna do", those are my comments now. That night my mind hadn't registered anything. I have gone over this story so many times that I don't even recognize, which were my genuine thoughts that night and which have been added as time went on.

We swung a bit, then went back and I remember him going to bed early. The only memory that has been left and is worth mentioning was the moment, when I started taking photos of the party and, when camera landed on him, he snatched it right out of my hands and started taking silly photos of me. And then, when he was walking by me, while I was trying to take the perfect shot, he covered my lens with his hand, just to tease me. But that was it. It ended and the next day was just like a day after a good party. I felt hangover, but I hadn't been drunk. I had been ... starting to like someone. And my head protested as loud as it could.