A Loaded Smile

* Adam POV *

We'd been home a week since the tour got put on hold and Tommy hasn't been the same. He's cold, distant and just plain numb. The world didn't seem to matter to him anymore and no matter what I did, how close I tried to get, he'd just push me away. I can tell he's been thinking about cutting again, last week when I saw those gashes in his arms I fell apart. They weren't just cuts. It was the emotional pain he was feeling laid out in physical wounds on his body. There was so much blood it made me sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

Now we were here, in my apartment, it was rather large, after getting off idol and selling the For Your Entertainment CD I had a little money to spare so I decided to get out of my one room shit hole. This one had a master bedroom and a guest room. One and a half bathrooms and a full sized kitchen and living room. Very Classy.

Tommy wanted to go and stay back at his place with his sister but I wasn't about to even fathom him being left alone right now. This was too serious, he almost passed out from blood loss last time and I wasn't going to let him out of my sight for a second, I care too Goddamn much for anything even remotely along those lines to happen. I'm not sure that he'd do anything anyway, since we got here he just sits around, so drained looking, a never ending torture. I hated seeing him like this, his hollow sunken eyes that once sparkled with a golden brown were now dull and lifeless. I needed my baby back, I needed him to forget about this for a while and just feel again. I needed to touch him, feel him, hear him moan. Bend and break every bone in his body until he is fresh and new again, grieving a loved one is hard, but I'm supposed to help right?

I gazed at him over the kitchen island , he was just sitting on the couch, staring into space. Enough was enough. I wanted to see him happy, see him pleased and fulfilled again, I wanted to see him forget about all the sorrow for a while and feel good. Loved. I slowly walked over, sitting on the couch beside him, trying to be casual. I pulled Tommy's legs over mine and he snapped out of his trance, trailing my fingers along his thighs gently, tracing patterns on his jeans.

" How you feelin' baby?" I tugged him closer, my free hand finding the soft texture of his cheek, brushing over it as he pushed against me. Eyes closed at my touch.

" I don't know...not very good." His words only a whisper at my finger tips as I traced his lips. So pink and luscious, he opened them slightly letting out a shaky breath as I inched closer to him. Letting my hand linger at his hips for a moment. Sliding in between his legs and out again, pulling them apart.

" Do you want to feel good Tommy?" I teased, noses now grazing as I held his neck, turning a little more rough. He didn't answer, breaths trembling as I tightened my grip on his thigh. My lips found his jaw line, brushing lightly over it and following the contours of his neck, I nibbled on his skin, licking the red marks it was leaving as he started to squirm. A small smile crept onto my face, I loved watching him squirm. My skin touched his, nails digging into his hips as I held them down and I whispered in his ear. Teeth along the cuff. " I said, do, you want, to feel, good?" Pausing in between words with still no response, he was gripping onto my wrist now, trying to push me away from his groin. " Answer me Tommy!" I bit down on his neck, right behind his ear and causing him to gasp, almost jumping from the excitement.

" Ah! Mmm, yes Adam!"

" Yes what?" I wanted to hear him say it, I wanted to hear those needing words leave his filthy mouth.

" Yes I want to feel good!" I pulled his hair, head falling back and exposing his neck. " Mm." He whimpered as I kissed his neck, sucking on it as I went down, Tommy's body shook as I rubbed the inside of his thigh, the other leg slipping around my hip so I was between them. I forcefully pushed his body down against the couch, holding him by his neck. His eyes closed from the sensation, I slowly came down, smirking at his trembling body and massaging my way up his shirt, tenderly. His breaths were heavy with mine, deepening with each action. I dug my nails in his side, burning them down back to his hips. " Oh! Mmm!"