Heartless ; Chris Schistad #WattPride

Chapter one

The haunting sound of classical music traveled along my body as I turned, and turned and turned in rhythm.

The powerful voice of my instructor was all those I could hear as I focused only on the rhythmic beats of the music.

" Faster. Faster. Faster. "

I could feel my head spin as I stretched out my arms in a circle to accompany my movements before falling back on my soles of feet to catch my breath.

" Again ! "

I immediately picked up my circles, stretching my leg all the way down before crossing it again behind my knee.

I kept turning like in a trance before I quickly lost myself in my last fight with him.

"So that's how you chose to live ? So you think we forget our failed childhood ? No matter how we want to handle things, I'm pretty sure that girls, sex and parties aren't the solution."

I held my arms above my head to accompany my gesture as I closed my eyes trying to forget our last attacks to one and the other.

"Because you think you're better? How can you afford to judge me? You're not good enough for that. "

I could feel the burning along my legs as I kept turning relentlessly, letting the pain of the effort grab hold of my body.

However, I kept turning despite the deep pain of my obsessive thoughts coupled with my intense effort.

I scarcely listened to my instructor's instructions as I mechanically followed what she was telling me.

I did not think. I acted only as I had always done. I was following the others because it was always easier than taking on my own responsibilities. My own fears and my own opinions.

That was how I ended up living with him instead of my parents. Because everything was easier with him.

He had always been my only pillar in my life. The only one to protect me from the monsters under my bed and the only one to protect me from my real brother.

"Not good enough? You think that belittle my esteem will work on me ?! I'm not one of your groupies. You will not be able to send me away because handling the emotions becomes too much for you. You need to learn to open yourself. If it's not me then to someone else but you can't and I wouldn't let you close me every time."

If only, things could stay like when we were little.

Most teenagers of my age dreamed of looking older. It attracted the boys, it would seem. They used makeup tricks and short clothes to get attention.

As for me, all I wanted was to go back to the days when emotions were easier to manage.

"Because you manage your emotions so well, aren't you ? You never make your own choices! Your own ideas! You never take your responsibilities. No, all you do is hide behind me. That's all you've always done. He may carry the burden of her death, but you're my burden. You're just that ball attached to my leg."