Why?

I thought it would be better to just Stand there and watch. Never did I think I could help, save someone's life even. I was a BYSTANDER. do you feel the weight of that word on your shoulders? well I do, a lot. I never thought it would hurt this bad, did someone hit me with a rock? that's everybody's question when that see bullying, but I know it's more than an eight letter word. I wonder how the bully feels. it's their fault, that's all that I want to say. It's not though. have you ever wanted to help, but was scared you were going to be bullied or have rumors spread about you? RUMORS hurt, they only look like words but they mean something more, they have feeling. did you hear so and so kissed Tom! Ewe that must have tasted nasty, she doesn't even brush her teeth. What happens if someone said that about you? yeah you think it's ok, stand there and laugh like you always do. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Think again.

I had to stop writing, as tears ran down my face. Anna was my only friend and now she was dead. it's been a week since the principal informed us she committed suicide. I had known she was having troubles at home and at school, but suicide? That is not Anna. I looked at the clock 7:30. Ten more minutes until I had to go to the bus. I scooped all my papers in to my backpack and wiped the tears. I really hated the thought of school. As I walked down the stairs I grabbed an apple. I was alone. I could simply skip school and stay home, but we had testing today. Plus if my mom found out about me skipping she would flip. I walked out the door with a slam of the door.

I hated my mom so much. Every since my dad let me when I was 5 my mom has always been depressed. She never wants to get up, only to work her job. She made lots of money, but it was because my grandma was her boss (her mom). I wish my mom could do her own things like me. I have to make my own money, but my own clothes. I keep telling myself it will get better, but it's really not. I've been having trouble at school before Anna died and now it is get way worse. I just tell myself it will get better, hopefully.

I just walked up to the bus stop. It was Monday, everybody had to tell there best friends about there weekend and what they did. I sat there staring at everyone like I was a freak when I felt my phone buzz.

Mom- working late tonight. Can you pick up some milk at the gas station?

Me- sure what kind?

Mom- 1% oh and Anna says hi!

Me- mom?! are you okay?

Mom- yes? and Anna says hi.

Me- Anna has been dead for a week now.....

Mom- okay then who is standing next to me?

Me- mom where are you?

Just as I send that last message the bus rolls up. Anna's alive, my mom has never lied to me. I have to go look for her, I need her so bad right now. my phone buzzes, but I dare to look, scared. tonight I can go home, do my homework, then ride my bike to Anna's. that's a 20 min ride. I can get there and back before 6 if her parent don't talk FOREVER. I try to get things off my mind, so put in my headphones and close my eyes. I was ready to go through another day.

"Hey kid," I hear a raspy voice as old boney fingers pull out my headphones.

"Are you going to get up and get out of here?" I look up to see the old bus driver lifting me up by my bag. he is amazingly strong for being what a 100. I feel dizzy when he lifts me up. I start walking off the bus slow and easy so I don't fall over.

"Do you need to go to the nurse?" I feel a tough hand touch my back. I look up feeling like I was about to barf.

"No I jusssstt amm tirrr...." and then everything was black.

I wake up to see my mom and Joe (which I found out was the bus drivers name) standing in front of me. I sit up a little, but it hurt. I look down and I see a cast on my arm. Scared, I tried to get up and fall over. My mom walks over to me and picks me up and sets me on the bed.

"Jane what happened? One second your on the bus and now your in the hospital." as she talks her voice gets higher

"I thought I could trust you, but no. I was at working and I had to drive all the way down here to get here!" I look down at my hospital gown.

"I'm sorry." I whisper it so quiet I don't think she can hear me. she walks over and plops right next to me on the bed.

"I love you Jane, it's just that I don't want to lose you like your father. One day I'm going to be alone without you." she cradles me as she says that.

"How long do I have to stay here?"

"A day." Her breath smelt like mint gum the kind that you've had for a year.

"Jane, there's a boy named Dallas outside. Do you know him." My breath stopped and my hands started sweating.