Hasty Marriage Leads to Hasty Death

         Once upon a time there was a wood named Sherwood Forest, where many bandits and vagabonds lived, and man named Robin Hood often went hunting. Robin Hood was a strong and handsome man of considerable build who enjoyed physical activities. While he was hunting he espied a beautiful damsel donned in a lovely green dress. He thought that she was the fairest maiden he had ever seen. He was wholly and bashfully enamored of her! Sneakily he discovered that her name was Marian. Robin soon started courting the adventurous Maid Marian because he found her company extremely pleasing. Soon they began to adore each other so much that Robin proposed to Marian and they became engaged.

     In a tragic accident Robin Hood lost everything he owned, including his home and income. Robin Hood ascribed an exceedingly and extremely sad and sorrowful epistle to Maid Marian explaining his misfortune. Because Robin knew that Maid Marian, being a lady, could not dwell in the woods with him as a peasant, he left without even asking her if she would care to live in the forest. Marian, who was usually rather stoic, being extremely heartbroken, cried for a whole day. Resolutely she then washed her face, because it was a bit blotchy, smiled to herself and resolved to see him at least once more.

     Before leaving her father’s house Marian “borrowed” some of her younger brother’s armor. Wisely she decided it would be safer on the road for her if she were to disguise herself in the apparel of a knight. Robin, who enjoyed being in disguise, determined that same day to have an adventure while dressed in the attire of a Norman knight. Both of their faces were concealed in their helms. Robin and Marian, who did not recognize each other because of their knightly armor, saw each other and resolved to make combat. After banging at each other nigh on an hour, Robin spoke. Marian immediately recognizing his voice quickly and efficiently pulled off her helmet. Although they knew it would be difficult for her, Robin and Marian decided that, since they could not live without each other, she should stay in the forest. They were wed that very day by the fat and drunk Friar Tuck.

     After several months of being married, Maid Marian, who was by that time smoothly in the flow of her new life, spent most of her days teaching archery and sword play to the Merry Men. The only thing that made her truly sorrowful was when Robin Hood was gone hunting game or tormenting the sheriff of Nottingham for days at a time. One night, when Robin had already been gone for six days, Marian went out walking. After she had been wondering for some time she stumbled in the dark and cracked her head on an enormous stone. When she woke she had a total memory lapse. Not knowing who she was or where she was going and not even remembering how to speak, she wandered the wood for many a long and sorrowful day. Meanwhile back at the ranch, Robin Hood was out tormenting Nottingham and King John when one of Nottingham’s men named Jeffery, who was exceedingly skilled and accomplished with a bow, shot him in the shoulder with an arrow. Little John immediately bludgeoned Jeffery to death with his long staff, but the damage was done. Robin’s wound soon became infected and he died within the day. Marian on the other hand had stumbled out of the woods and into the outskirts of a town. She was a sad and sorry sight with blood caked in her hair because of her fall, her clothes torn beyond repair and her body caked in dirt. Unfortunately when she staggered into the town square she began croaking for she did not remember how to speak. She then began waving her arms around in an attempt to make herself understood. The town’s people, believing that she was an evil witch trying to cast a spell upon them, quickly and successfully caught her and burnt her at the stake. Thus their two lives ended, the moral being: Do not marry someone after only knowing the person for a few days.