Photographer

Kiss me

Lukas flopped down onto a bench outside the gallery and let his head fall back.

"I could really go for a cigarette."I stood awkwardly in front of him.

"You smoke?"

"Not anymore. Apparently they're bad for you." I laughed softly. He straightened and watched me until my laughter faded.

"Sit next to me, janie." I sat down beside him.

"Are you one of those girls?" he asked, twisting around to look at me straight on.

"What girls?"

"The ones that have to be told what to do. You need to be stepped on every once in awhile?" Shocked, I shoved myself to the other end of the bench.

"No! I don't . . . I'm not . . ." I curled forward, tugged at my hair.  "Fu*k!I don't know why I'm like this when I'm with you."He chuckled, and a flash lit the night air. Straightening, I blinked against the darkness.

"Did you just—"He took another picture, blinding me for a second."Stop that!"

"Stop?" He lowered his camera just enough to let me see his grin. "Isn't this what you wanted from me?" I paused, gripped the edge of the bench as I turned to stare at the street.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I told you."

"Tell me more." More. That meant I had to think things through, and I didn't like thinking about this. But somehow I knew this was my last chance with Lukas, and if I didn't try, he would be out of my life forever.

"I think i look great and have good body."

"I noticed." My head whipped around to look at him.

"Really?" Another flash went off in my face. Irritated now, I rubbed at my eyes.

"Dammit, Lukas! Put that thing away." His teasing tone didn't improve my mood.

"Talk to me. After a while you won't even notice it." Shooting him a dark glance, I went back to staring at the street.

"I'm not very smart, I'm not very funny,  I'm not very talented. It's like . . . It's like I'm just a good looking body, walking around and posing. I don't think it was always like that. I was hoping you could help me remember." His flash went off again, but this time I was more aware of the soft click and whirr made by his camera.

"Do you like looking the way you do?" I linked my hands together, and he took another picture.

"Oh yeah. I love being big."

"Why?"bA hollow chuckle escaped me, and I heard that click and whirr. "I guess I've always been trying to get people to see me."

"That's why you work so hard?"

"When I was a kid, Lucy was the one to watch. She was pretty, and smart, and into art. Everyone adored her. My grades were okay, but never more than average. I was skinny and gangly. When I got to junior high my skin erupted and didn't clear up until after highschool." Click. Whirr.

"You felt invisible?"

"I was invisible. Nothing I did could compare to Lucy. Even my name isn't as exciting as hers." Click. Whirr.

"Didn't you have friends?"

"Only one Vicky. I never had many friends. A lot of guys came over to our house, but they just wanted to get a look at my sister."

"Were you jealous of her?" I closed my eyes.

"God, yeah. Don't get me wrong, I love Lucy. And it's not like she ever let it go to her head, you know? But she couldn't help being perfect. So I had to find some place, some niche, to carve out for myself. Modling and gym did the trick, fixed things for a while."