haz ☽ hs au

nineteen

"atlas are you okay?"

"mhm,"

"you don't sound okay, atlas what's wrong,"

"n-nothing rory i'm fine,"

"you don't sound fine, you can tell me anything, you know,"

"i guess so, i'm just feeling down, that's all,"

"you sure?"

"well, not really, i feel sad and down, but it's like a sad sort of down. it's not like a temporary sad but more of a deep sad. i can feel it in my bones, as weird as that sounds,"

she looked down shyly and trailed off.

"aw you can keep going,"

"you probably think i'm weird though,"

"i don't, and sometimes it's just good to vent,"

"oh okay. well, it's all the time, like a heavy weight on my shoulders. it's like a hot searing pain through my chest. sometimes it's like i'm suffocating, it's like, infinite sadness, i can't get rid of it,"

"keep going,"

"but i still smile at nice things because they're nice and i still laugh at funny things because they're funny but i'm always still sad and i can't be fully happy. you know, like a part of me will always be hurting. it gets annoying, though, because i can't really smile for no reason or have a bounce in my step, you know?"

"yeah, yeah, i can relate,"

"my mind is a really scary place, rory, and- i don't know- i just want- just want- to be happy,"

"aw, do you know why you're sad?"

"no, well, yeah, but, i don't know,"

"you can tell me,"

"i just get so jealous of everyone, like i see people smiling and being happy and i see people with nice clothes and good senses of fashion and i see pretty girls with lots of friends and i really really want that,"

"i can't relate, yeah. atlas it's ok, you're not weird, and you're super pretty too,"

"i am no-"

"and i am actually sort of surprised that you don't have a big variety of friends because you're amazing. i really think you just need to slow down for a bit and instead of looking at the things other people have, check out the things you have. you're really smart and you are really pretty, and you're really nice and you have a nice apartment and great parents. the list could go on for ages, you need to stop looking at other girls and look at yourself, yeah?"

"i guess so, but it's easier said than done. i'm just so sad though, just so- so sad-"

it was then that atlas broke down into tears.

and in that moment i realised that atlas needs me as much as i need her.

can't fucking deal

this will get rly sad

v soon

don't kill me

i have knife