A big book of quotes.

Quotes

"IT is my job as a parent to raise a rebublican. If you are not a rebublican I have failed my job."-Dad

"THE GODS HAVE MADE THIS PIZZA!"- neighborhood kid eating Pizza Hut pizza

" The TREES made this pizza! Do trees make paper? I didn't know that."- little girl after eating Pizza Hut pizza

"It's the Jesus version of kidz bop. Kill it with fire."- Anybody over 13 at vacation bible school

"Hey I can make a rainbow!"swings water gun around- Pizza Hut kid

"Why does puberty hate me? Most people get hot. I get acne."-Me

"She's pizza drunk."- Pizza Hut parent.

"Are these cookies? I thought they were pancakes."- little girl

"I'm a vegetarian but I don't like vegetables"-Zendaya

" You know you're messed up when your looking for a sex scene in a Stephen King book."-Tanishiwa

"Out of the corner of my eye I heard."-me writing

"My personality is like A radioactive me-diorite. Spent too much time with it and it'll kill you." -Sam (Trout Mouth) Evan

On the airplane
Mom: I have some smut magazines if you want to read those.
Me: Ummm.........mom.Smut?
Mom(panicked): THAT WAS A BAD CHOICE in words. I meant gossip. Like people and j-14.
Me:I was about to get very worried for a second.

My cousins showing my mom snap chat.
Cousins: SEE and when you do this takes a picture you like your
Mom: On drugs
Laughter
Cousins:at a Luau....

"Were two halfs of a whole idiot."- Wanda and Cosmo.

"You can tell your a child when your proud of your makeshift donkey leg piñata cup that is full of candy you got by running over aggressive 5 year olds."

Sister:*talking about stuff*
Brother:*starts to cough a lot*
Sister: Stop coughing I'm talking!

"Could you not get naked? I need my books!"

F: My butt
M: *winks*
F: Did you just wink at me?!?!?

"Can we not argue about a fishes sexuality?"

"Do your ears believe in god?"

"Guess what? We were arguing about a fishes sexuality in biomed!"

"I though he was some musical god of the ass"

M: The dry shampoo is cheaper because it is expired.
S: So when can you eat it?

"People are like footballs. Some are flat and others are pumped as heck!"

"Oh, I get it! Wisconsin's grow cheese!"

"W U Laugh"

*learning Santa Baby for show choir* "sign my stocking with a duplex and checks, bang words."

S: I'm calling this car cold because sometimes this car is cold.
M: I'm calling you a bitch because sometimes you're a bitch.

"I'm a mood 24/7..wait...no...23/7. Sundays are for god."

"I'm debating if this is a bruise or a cancer spot."

M: Why is there sugar on your legs?
S: Think of it as a sugar scrub.