We Have Fallen

I will make sure to keep my existence a quiet rumble as you walk past me,

I will keep my head down as I tug my son's fragile arm,

A silent order to pickup the pace because people are seeing,

I'll keep buying convenience store make-up out of need,

Not pleasure,

It will make my lips pucker up in red,

Covering the cuts of his madness,

Foundation that matches a complexion of sorrow,

Concealing purple swollen eyes,

Just like he wants me to.

My son will wear his navy blue hoodie,

He will know not to pull his sleeves up,

He will know not to speak up,

Unless the sentence "I love Papa" uncurls out of his lips with a sharp sting,

Just like he wants him to.

I will keep the silent rebellion within my chest,

As I dare not wake him,

I will fetch him his beer,

The next one,

And the sixth one,

I will not speak out against him as his fingertips make my lungs burn even after the fire that once kept me going vanished long ago,

I'll make sure not to let my voice flow with the wind when he has me at his mercy,

Just like he wants me to.

I will whisper into my son's ear "I love you" like a lullaby when I hold him close to my body,

He will pitifully smile looking into my eyes,

Knowing he shows me what I can no longer gift him with,

The warmth of happiness.

Pictures as a family we will take,

I will wear make-up to cover the pain,

I will put on the pretty fake smile I've even taught my son to master,

He will sit in the middle,

Wearing his navy blue hoodie,

Dad and mom by each side,

The flash will go off,

Never quite capturing the reflection of death in their eyes,

Then we will go back into the cycle where there are tears in my son's eyes and blood on my lips.

There are special days in between when we fall,

In between the days of Jade Rivers,

Silent pleads,

Loss of smiles,

The loss of a childhood,

And the loss of simply being,

When we will fall again.

We will always fall.

We will fall to the cotton-like touches,

To the popcorn of life's sweetest moments,

We will fall to the stars in his eyes,

Even his earthquake-causing laugh,

We will fall to his lips against our cheeks as our skin shivers in envy,

He has stolen the warmth of a sunray,

Yet to be punished for it.

Now there is a new flower bud at the palm of his hands,

Slowly dying but still trying to blossom with the little hope it has left.

I heard once,

That you are taken to paradise when it's time to let everything go and truly the world is yours to keep my son and I are in paradise in our back yard lying next to each other he is sleeping with a peaceful smile I could never get his lips to form as the sun of spring shines above us white lilies are blooming all around a I try to let my voice be heard but my mouth is a desert and my throat feels like sand paper rubbing against his promises and could some please call for help because no one will ever know

We have fallen six feet deep into his lies