Never in a million years would I have thought I'd do this. But never in a million years would I have thought I'd become friends with a really cute, hot guy that picked my bag up when the strap broke and said "it's okay, I got it" with this cute smile, likes to write and act and says that he can't sing but then goes ahead and blows me and everyone else away when you do.
And so when I found out you like to write, each time I'd get bored at work I'd write something down and started a journal instead of studying. And so since no one else from school knows anything about this, here's the time I get to share some of it with you. So don't laugh.
These past few days have been the best.
When I told you I signed you up (Rachel's idea) to sing on improv night I thought you'd freak. But instead you just looked at me when I told you how good you are and said "okay if you think so I'll do it" and I screamed internally. You'll never know that when I walked away and you couldn't see I had the hugest smile on my face. You were amazing when you sung. I cried. Lol. But for 18 minutes I don't think I've smiled so hard in my life watching you.
When I asked if you'd come over on Friday I didn't think you'd say okay. I threw everything in my closet to make my room look clean. Lmao. Walking around the mall yesterday and talking forever, forgetting the whole reason we went there (to get a romper pfftt) was goals. Damn.....you make things seem easy and things that are supposed to be hard you make me feel like I can go and do anything. God damn you Evan, how do you do that??!!!
Today I messaged you and asked if you were bored and wanted to hang at work with me and you replied back in a few seconds and said YES!! And 15 minutes later you're walking in and sitting down talking and almost 6 hours felt like a few minutes and apart from my feet hurting from standing so long I feel so good right now.
So here I am. It's 3pm and I'm home and I'm wondering is it clingy to message you and ask what you're doing and do you want to meet up somewhere and just hang out? My stomachs turning and has got butterflies, I'm nervous, I'm having an argument with myself with one part of me saying "yes-do it" and another part saying "no-he just saw you and you're being clingy af" and all I can think about is when you left today I asked you what you were doing and you looked at me and said "nothing" with this nervous smile staring at me like you were waiting for me to ask you something before walking out the door and waving at me. And the thing is my manager saw you walking to your car, turn back round and walk to the corner of the store and then turn around back to your car and walk for a bit and then you came back again and came in and asked if you were to come in tomorrow will I be here? and when I said "yeah I am" I've seen that smile before when you've talked to someone else that meant something special to you.
So there you go Evan. I think this is your first chapter written about you. I know we've all made mistakes in the past but I get this feeling that if I were to ask the people that know you as more than a friend they'd have more good things to say about you than the not good things. And so I don't know what the future holds for you but it would be the best thing ever to spend some of that time with you. "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do get to choose who hurts you. I like my chances" (your favorite quote😊) If you don't read this then hopefully I'll see you tomorrow. Come make my day be amazing because somehow you do that.
I love you ❤️❤️
