The End

Part 3

On our way home it was silent. Jackson didn't say anything to me but I wanted to know something. I couldn't keep quiet anymore.

"Jackson why didn't you tell me you were leaving before. . . am I not that important to you?"

Jackson pulled the car to the side of the road when I asked the question.

"Alysia, of course, you are important to me. . . I just didn't want to ruin our fun. I mean you seemed so happy when I was here and every time I would tell you before you would get sort of sad so I was scared to tell you. I didn't want you sad .   .   .   .   .   I'm really sorry little sis, I love you a lot you know." I could hear his voice crack. When I looked up at him he was crying, tears were running down his cheek. I could tell I hurt him when I asked him this. I felt bad, I should have never asked this. I knew I was important to him and I knew he loved my, I was just so mad that my brother would keep something so important from me. 

"Jackson . . . why didn't JB tell me either, I mean he is my boyfriend why did all of you hide it from me, did you ask them to?"

" I . . I'm so. .sor . .ry . . Aly-" I felt so bad hearing him like this, I instantly regretted asking the question. "Hey, why don't we hang out till you have to leave. We can go to all of our favorite spots when we were kids" I was tearing up to so I tried to speak as fast as I could.  

"I'm really. . . sorry for not . . . not telling you" Jackson sounded a bit calmer this time. He reached in for a hug. "Please don't be mad at me, I know I should have told you earlier, I just didn't have the strength to tell you and . . . JB and I agreed to not tell you so we told everyone else not to . . . " My eyes started to water. I knew he didn't hide it from me to be mean but it still hurt a lot. 

" Don't cry my little honey bee" That's what he used to call me all the time when I was little. I hadn't heard it in such a long time I figured I was getting too old so he stopped calling me that. Every time he would call me that it would make me smile, even now as I wanted to cry. Only Jackson was allowed to call me that, I would get mad at everyone else who called me honey bee. 

"Ash. . . you confuse me so much, weren't you just crying, why are you smiling"

"Ahh, but you're the same way or no. . . you were just crying seconds ago too and now look at you, you can't even tell you were crying. And you say I'm confusing"

"Haha, that's not the point right now, but why did you start smiling, were you purposely trying to make me feel bad and you couldn't hold in your laughter anymore, is that why you were smiling"

"What!! no, I would never do that. . . It's just that you called me honey bee" I said giggling.

"Oh, why are you laughing at it, do you not want me to call you that anymore"

"No that's not it, it's just that you haven't called me that in such a long time I though you I was never gonna hear that again," I said with a big smile on my face, forgetting what he had just done to me. . .

*** Jacksons point of view***

I wanted to talk to her, I really did. . . I wanted to tell her that I never did it to hurt her. That the reason I hid it from her was because I was a damn coward. I admit it. . . I can't tell people stuff so easily, especially things that will hurt them, I didn't want to do that to her, I just couldn't. Honestly, I was being a bit selfish. I didn't tell her because I was afraid to see her sad, Damn how could I make all these excuses when I know it was me who didn't want to tell her . . . Because I was too selfish about my own feelings that I didn't even think about hers. If I would have thought of her feelings I would have had enough courage to tell her. I had so many thought in my head that it distracted me at the time I heard her voice, it was too much to keep driving and keep attention to what she was saying.

"Jackson why didn't you tell me you were leaving before. . . am I not that important to you?"

I pulled to the side of the road when she asked me this, I knew that I hurt her but I didn't think she would ask me this. I couldn't keep driving . . . I knew I was going to break down crying.

"Alysia, of course, you are important to me. . . I just didn't want to ruin our fun. I mean you seemed so happy when I was here and every time I would tell you before you would get sort of sad so I was scared to tell you. I didn't want you sad . . . . . I'm really sorry little sis, I love you a lot you know."My voice started to break in the of the sentence. I wanted to say so much more that what I did. I wanted her to understand that I did love her. . . a lot. I mean I grew up with her, she always had my back, we did fight every once in a while like every other sibling in the world but we had a strong bond. I started crying, I couldn't tell her much of what I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to understand how much I loved her. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you.

"Jackson . . . why didn't JB tell me either, I mean he is my boyfriend why did all of you hide it from me, did you ask them to?" Shit, I should have expected this, I can't lie to her if she finds out the truth after I lied to her she would be so mad at me. . . I hate when she's mad at me, it makes me feel so bad. I guess I just have to tell her the truth

" I . . I'm so. .sor . .ry . . Aly-" I couldn't say a word without crying or my voice breaking, but then I heard her talk cutting me off from my attempt of trying to talk"Hey, why don't we hang out till you have to leave. We can go to all of our favorite spots when we were kids" She didn't seem mad but I could hear a bit of sadness in her voice. I think I even heard her trying to hold in tears. But honestly, it relieved me, she wasn't mad at me. I had to explain to her.

"I'm really. . . sorry for not . . . not telling you" This time the words came a bit easier, it was still a bit hard from all my crying but I managed out a full sentence. I reached over and hugged her tightly while I found the words to tell her. "Please don't be mad at me, I know I should have told you earlier, I just didn't have the strength to tell you and . . . JB and I agreed to not tell you so we told everyone else not to . . . " Her eyes started to water, I had hurt her and this was my consequence, I saw her hurt and I couldn't do much because I was the one who got her like this. I don't want to see her cry, please understand I didn't mean for this to happen.

" Don't cry my little honey bee" I tried to comfort her, I loved to call her my honey bee but when I went to Korea to be an idol I wouldn't be able to see or talk to her much so I sort of stopped calling her that. It was more like I forgot about it until now, it just slipped out. I saw her smiling a bit. . . Why wasn't she just crying, not that I want her to cry but was she just trying to make me feel bad. . . No she wouldn't do that. . .would she?

"Ash. . . you confuse me so much, weren't you just crying, why are you smiling" I asked a bit happier, at least she wasn't mad at me anymore. . . at least I hope she wasn't.

"Ahh, but you're the same way or no. . . you were just crying seconds ago too and now look at you, you can't even tell you were crying. And you say I'm confusing" Ashhh, this girl. Why won't she answer me. Shes avioding the question.

"Haha, that's not the point right now, but why did you start smiling, were you purposely trying to make me feel bad and you couldn't hold in your laughter anymore, is that why you were smiling" I started laughing, knowing that it wasn't true.

"What!! no, I would never do that. . . It's just that you called me honey bee" she said with a giggle. Did she not like it or did she think she was too old for it or something, why was she laughing at it "Oh, why are you laughing at it, do you not want me to call you that anymore"

"No that's not it, it's just that you haven't called me that in such a long time I though you I was never gonna hear that again," She had a big smile on her face, I was happy that she didn't seem mad anymore.