Stay

Finn stood staring at the floor in the center of his bedroom. She watched him as she leaned against the door frame.
Mr. Nelson had been pleased to have Rae go upstairs to fetch Finn down.
"He'll be glad to see you, Rae." Mr. Nelson briefly clasped her hand as she crossed the threshold. "Thank you for coming today. He could use a friend."
Stepping into the room, Finn paid her no notice. It was only as Rae reached out to push his fringe back in place that he blinked. Breathing slowly, he brought his eyes to Rae's.
Running her fingers across his forehead, she whispered, "Penny for 'em."
His lip curled into a crooked smile.
"My nan says that." A ghost of a laugh came out.
Cocking an eyebrow, Rae asked, "Oh yeah?"
Nodding, Finn said, "Yeah."
A stormy expression brought his eyebrows together and he grimaced.
"Well, my nan used to say that." Finn's eyes shone with unshed tears.
Helplessly dropping her hands at her sides, Rae said, "I'm so, so sorry, Finn."
Sucking in his lower lip, he stayed silent.
Placing her hands on her hips and taking a step back, Rae said, "Well, let's have a look at you, Finnley." Appraising him she found him to be very handsome in his dark suit and starched white dress shirt. Tapping her lip with her index finger, she walked around Finn in a circle. "Em, something is missing though."
Shrugging, Finn offered, "I couldn't get the bloody tie right. I threw it in the bin."
Rae tut-tutted and retrieved the black tie. She crossed back to Finn and smirked. "Well, lucky for you, Finnley I am a champion at tying ties."
Finn challenged, "Are you now, Rae? I'd like to see that."
Coming closer, Rae threw the tie around Finn's neck. She lightly tugged and pulled him over to her. He chuckled as he stumbled, bumping into her. They both blushed as their eyes met.
Rae coughed awkwardly and focused on her task. Her deft fingers made quick work of Finn's tie. Straightening the shoulders of his jacket, she brushed her hands along the top and down his sleeves. Finn watched her movements.
Assessing her efforts, Rae crossed her arms over her chest and said, "There now. You look very smart, indeed."
Looking at her from under his lashes Finn said, "Yeah?"
Rae nodded. "You'll do your nan proud." She gave him an encouraging wink.
Finn nodded as he dropped his gaze.
Slipping her hand into Finn's, Rae gently pulled. She whispered, "Let's go, Finn."
Keeping his eyes on his feet, he took a tentative step with Rae.
Finn's dad was at the bottom of the stairs as they made their way down. Rae and Mr. Nelson shared a look. She noticed the red rimmed eyes of the elder Nelson.
The three of them walked to the car in silence. Mr. Nelson drove with Finn and Rae in the back.
Finn remained quiet through the whole of the service.  A line of mourners formed to pay their respects and offer condolences to Mr. Nelson and Finn. Finn had yet to let go of Rae's hand. When she tried to release him to shake hands with people, he held it all the tighter.
Rae hazarded a glance to see how he was holding up. Tears had slid down Finn's still cheeks. He turned to Rae and ran his thumb over the back of her hand. Wiping away his tears, she felt her throat tighten.
Finn's dad came over, resting a hand on Finn's shoulder. "All right, son?"
When Finn held his tongue, Mr. Nelson patted his son's back. Sighing, he said, "Let's go home, yeah? I'll bring the car round."
Rae stood with Finn at the gravesite. Everyone else had departed. Finn took a step closer and whispered, "Bye, Nan."
Reaching across herself, Rae grasped Finn's arm at the elbow. Finn turned with her and they headed toward the entrance of the cemetery.
A breeze kicked up as she and Finn waited for Mr. Nelson. Rae shivered. Her long sleeved dark gray shirt dress and black leggings were a bit too thin for the autumn weather.
"Are you cold, Rae?" Finn slipped his hand from hers and pulled her into his side. He rubbed her shoulder as he held her close.
Rae smiled at him, "A little, but I'll be fine. Don't worry about me, Finn."
Finn opened his mouth to respond as Mr. Nelson appeared to drive them home. Sliding his arm from her shoulder, Finn took Rae's hand. He opened the door and guided Rae into the back seat. Once Finn was again beside her he took both her hands in his, rubbing the warmth back into them.
"There's going to be a fair amount of people back at ours. Rae, would you mind staying? Finn, you can call your other mates round, if you like." Mr. Nelson attempted a smile as he looked back at them in the rearview.
Before she answered, Rae looked to Finn. With her hand in his, Finn ran his index finger over her palm and spelled out S-T-A-Y.
Rae smiled at him.
Biting his lip. Finn turned to his dad. "Em, I'll see everyone later, Dad. I'd rather just have Rae hang about with me."
"As you wish, son." Mr. Nelson resumed watching the road.
They made the short journey home. As Finn stood from the car, Rae caught his eyes running up the front of the house. Voices could be heard from inside. Mr. Nelson pocketed his keys and went to open the front door.
"Dad?" Finn choked from his spot by the car.
Turning to see Finn in tears, Mr. Nelson hurried over to him.
"Oh, my boy, it's all right." He gathered Finn in his arms and rubbed his back. Finn's hands fisted over his dad's back, wrinkling his suit jacket. Moving Finn to his side, Mr. Nelson put an arm around his son, saying, "Let's go inside and make a cuppa, yeah? You two kids can go up to your room if you like. Your nan wouldn't care if you stayed to speak to anyone."
The two Nelsons walked to the doorway. Finn suddenly lifted his head and turned.
"Rae?" He asked as he put his hand out for her. She rushed to take it, trailing a bit behind the grieving pair.
What felt like moments later, Rae and Finn were sitting down on Finn's bed with steaming mugs of tea. Finn had shed his jacket and both had left their shoes downstairs.
"Are you still cold, Rae?" She smiled at his concern.
"Nah, I'm fine, Finn." They sat and sipped in silence.
When both had finished their tea, Rae took Finn's mug and set it down on the bedside table. Turning to him, she put her hand out palm up. Knowing what Rae wanted, Finn placed his hand in hers. M-U-S-I-C she traced on his palm. He smiled at her. It was the first smile to reach his eyes that day. Rae couldn't help but share it.
Finn patted Rae's thigh. He stood from the bed and went over to his records. Quickly selecting an album, he held it up for Rae to see. Giving him a nod, Finn placed it on his turntable. The Smiths' The Queen is Dead began and both sighed.
Finn gave his tie a yank and Rae came over to help him. She carefully undid her knot and left it hanging around Finn's neck. Just as she was letting go, Finn leaned in and kissed her cheek.
"Thanks for being here, Rae. I don't think I would have made it through today without you." He bit his lip as he looked down to Rae's hands, still holding Finn's tie.
Pouting her lips, Rae pulled the tie from around Finn's neck and said, "It's nothing, Finn. You know Chop or Archie or anyone from the gang would be here if you asked. What are mates for?"
Finn took her hand and interlocking their fingers, he said, "Yeah, but I didn't have to ask you. I couldn't. You just knew I needed you and you were here."
Staring at their feet she whispered, "I'll always be here if you need me, Finn."
Pulling her into a hug, Finn spoke into her hair. "I think I'll always need you, Rae."
She closed her eyes as he held her. Their heads lightly knocked as they leaned toward one another.
"Rae, will you stay over? I'll ask my dad to call your mum. Is that OK?" He felt Rae nodding against his shoulder. He smiled into her neck.
Stepping out of their embrace, Finn walked downstairs with Rae in tow.
"Dad?" Finn called and Mr. Nelson appeared from the lounge.
"Yeah, Finn?" He took in the pair and smiled. Finn had a little color in his face again.
Rubbing the back of his head, Finn asked, "Can Rae stay over? I don't..." He tried to finish but the words threatened more tears.
His dad nodded, patting Finn's shoulder. Looking to Rae he said, "That all right with you, Rae?" Rae smiled in response.
"I'll call Linda and let her know. You two are welcome to stay down here or go back upstairs. Just about the lot have gone. Your aunt and uncle would like to see you before they head back to Leeds, Finn."  Mr. Nelson put a hand out to get Finn to come into the lounge.
Turning to Rae, Finn tilted his head toward his dad. Without a word Rae walked down the last stairs and moved to stand at Mr. Nelson's side. Finn shook his head with mirth and crossed into the room.
The other Mr. Nelson and his wife were very kind to Rae. Both hugged Finn tightly before getting into their Citroën and driving off.
The night had crept up on them. Both Finn and Rae were exhausted as was Finn's father.
Stifling a yawn, Mr. Nelson declared it time for bed. "We'll finish cleaning in the morning. We have the guest room ready for you, Rae." With that Mr. Nelson headed upstairs and left the pair alone.
"We don't have to go to sleep if you don't want, Rae. Fancy a film? Or a brew?" Rae caught the yawn Finn was trying to hold back.
"Maybe we should get ready for bed, Finn." She shrugged and gave him a closed lip smile. "I'm well knackered."
Finn met her gaze. "We'll have a film night another time, yeah?" Rae nodded. Smiling, he said, "Good. Something for us to look forward to."
Rae's heart squeezed at his words. She put her hand out for him. Taking it in his, Finn and Rae went back upstairs.
Finn gave Rae a pair of lounge pants and a t-shirt. Her thoughts immediately went to her not being able to fit into them. Finn's comforting smile persuaded her to hold her tongue. She padded along the hall to change in the guest room.
Rae was just pulling her hair out from the neck of her borrowed t-shirt when she heard a quiet knock. Standing aside, she made room for Finn to enter.
"Everything all right?" he asked surveying the room.
"Yeah. It's fine. Thanks." She pulled at the bottom of her shirt.
"Thanks for staying, Rae." His eyes lifted from her feet to her face.
"Anyone would have done, Finn." She said with a one shoulder shrug.
"No, they wouldn't." They grinned at the familiar words. Finn added, "And I didn't want just anyone, did I?"
Rae was thoughtful. "Suppose not."
Pursing his lips, Finn said, "Em, Rae...Would you mind if I stayed in here with you?"
Rae was instantly nervous. She knew the guest bed was big enough for both of them. They had both shared her smaller bed before. It should have been fine. Still, Rae took a moment to answer Finn.
"Em, sure. 'Course." Keeping a relaxed tone was proving difficult. She threw out her arms from her sides attempting nonchalance.
Finn shook with laughter. "You do the weirdest stuff sometimes."
Rae frowned. Her insecurity was getting the better of her.
Finn repeated, "You do." He couldn't help grinning at her. Reaching to hold her face, he said, "Aw, Rae, you've go a right face on."
She huffed, blowing back some hair that fell in her face.
Finn tucked her hair back behind her ear. "Rae, you know I like it. You're so funny."
Rae rolled her eyes.
Smiling fondly at her, Finn went on. "You see, you're the only one who could make me laugh today of all days." His demeanor became more serious. "Having you here has made today so much easier." He swallowed thickly. "Thanks."
"It's nothing, Fi-"
He cut her off, pulling her into a hug. "It's everything, Rae."
His chest shook against hers. She felt his tears on her shoulder. Rubbing his back, she said, "All right you, let's get you into bed."
Rae turned and pulled back the covers. Gesturing for Finn to get in first, Rae followed. As soon as she lay down Finn scooted over to rest his head on her shoulder.
"Is this OK, Rae?" He sniffed.
Sliding her arm out from beneath him, she picked up her gentle massage on Finn's back. "Of course it is, Finn."
He wrapped his arms around her and muttered, "Rae."
Her other arm came around to enfold him. "I'm here, Finn. "
Rae heard him choke a bit on his tears. He hiccuped. "Don't go, Rae. I need ya."
Her chin rested on the top of Finn's head. "I won't, Finn." She sighed. "I'm glad ya need me."
"Rae?" His voice was getting hoarse from crying.
"Yeah?" She lifted her chin to try and look at him.
"If you ever need someone I'll be there for you." He blew out a quick breath. "You're so strong, though. You probably never get like this."
She stared at the ceiling, trying to force the tears back. She blinked rapidly. As if she were speaking to herself, Rae whispered, "Ah, Finn. If you only knew how weak I am. I feel like such a phony sometimes."
"I think everyone feels that way, Rae. I just know you can handle it. You look after all of us." His gentle squeeze was reassuring.
Rae made a decision. "Finn, I want to tell you something."
Still resting on her shoulder, Finn tilted his head up to meet her eyes. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. I've been wanting to tell you for a while, actually." She bit her lip under his scrutiny. "Well, my mum told Chloe I was in France but I wasn't."
Finn was curious. "Where were ya, Rae?"
Trying to stay calm her volume dropped. "Em, I was in hospital. I tried to hurt myself and spent some time in a mental home."
Finn's wide eyes overwhelmed her. "Why, Rae?"
Bouncing her eyes to the ceiling she whispered, "That's what everyone wants to know. It were everything and nothing, Finn. I was alone. I was bullied at school. I didn't have a dad. Chloe and I fell out. My mum was gone a lot."  Her lips twisted. "It was easy to hate myself. Ending it seemed like the best thing, for everyone."
Rae dared to meet Finn's eyes. His cheeks were wet with fresh tears. She started to doubt telling Finn.
Finn slid up the bed to get his head level with Rae's. He placed a warm hand on her face.
"You don't feel that way anymore. Do you, Rae?" His anxious tone was hard for Rae to absorb.
Taking a slow breath she considered her words. "Not like I used to. I'm better. It's a process." Her eye roll was automatic. "At least, that's what my therapist keeps telling me."
Finn was soothed by her sarcasm. He smiled. "Rae, you're not alone anymore. You have me. You have the gang. We all love you."
Rae nodded mutely. 
Finn's hand wrapped around the back of her neck. He pulled her close, resting his forehead against hers. He stared at her. "I mean it, Rae. You are loved so much."
They remained in that position for a couple of heartbeats. Rae was trying to breathe normally. Finn relaxed his hold a bit and moved away slightly. Rae saw his eyes dart to her lips. His lower lip rolled under his upper and popped back out. Finn moved his hand to cup her cheek.
Swallowing, Rae asked in a hushed voice, "Finn, are you going to kiss me?" Shock at her own words bloomed on her face.
Finn leaned in closer and said almost against her lips, "I wanted to. Yeah. Is that OK, Rae?" His eyebrows rose, seeking permission.
Rae was stunned at her thoughts but she had to tell him. "Em, no." Finn's face fell. Raising a hand to touch Finn's cheek, she added, "I mean, yeah, I want you to kiss me, just not tonight."
Finn was confused. "Why? Is something wrong?"
Rae shook her head. "No. Well, yeah. Today has been so sad. I don't want you to remember our first kiss being on the same day as your nan's funeral. Our first kiss should be on a happy day. I want to remember it and think about how good everything was. Does that make sense?"
Leaning up on his arm, Finn said, "Yeah, it does, Rae. But..."
Concern overtook her. "But?"
Wrapping his arm across her middle, he shrugged his shoulders and scooted even closer. "But it makes me want to kiss ya even more."
Rae blushed.
Finn sighed. "You're right, you know." Straightening his back he leaned away. Brushing her hair away from her forehead, he added, "We'll wait for a happier day, yeah?"
Rae nodded.
Adopting a serious expression, Finn said, "Promise me, Rae. I'll get to kiss you soon."
Just when she thought she couldn't turn any redder, she whispered, "I promise, Finn."
"Good." He kissed her forehead. "Rae?" He rubbed her cheek with his thumb.
"Yeah, Finn?" She laid her arm over Finn's.
He bit his lip momentarily and then said, "On the day I get to kiss you, I have something I want to tell you. OK?"
Rae's heart sped up. Her insides felt like they might burst from her excitement. Biting her lip to the point of discomfort, Rae said, "OK."
Snuggling into her, Finn pulled Rae into the middle of the bed with him. "Goodnight, Rae." He said into her shoulder.
Squeezing him, Rae whispered, "Goodnight, Finn."

Two weeks later, after the pair had spent loads more time together, Rae and Finn sat on the sofa in his lounge. They had just finished the second movie of their film night. They both had been laughing at the comedy Rae chose.
As the credits rolled past on the screen, Finn reached out and curled a strand of Rae's hair around his finger. She turned to look at him and smiled when their eyes met.
Sitting up, Finn put his arm around the back of the sofa and moved over to Rae. Their thighs bumped and Rae giggled. In response to his actions, she sat up and leaned toward Finn.
Stretching his hand out to caress her cheek, he gently pulled her face to his. Just as their lips were about to touch Finn whispered, "I love you, Rae."
Sighing into their first kiss, Rae whispered back, "I love you too, Finn."
The End