Make You Feel

Chapter 10

Sunlight gleamed through the window, irradiating Malaysia's milk chocolate skin. Peering out, she witnessed the Blue jays singing their favorite tunes as they flew from tree to tree. Looking closely, she noticed a baby blue jay, hesitant and in deep thought, preparing for it's first flight. Malaysia considered herself equal to the fledgling. A man who seemed to be good for her presented himself, however, she couldn't muster up the strength or bravery to jump off the ledge and love again. 

"Malaysia Monè, you did not say that to that man," Momma Kim had one hand resting on her hip as she responded to her daughter in disbelief. Malaysia sunk a little in her seat.

"I think I did," scrunching up her face, Malaysia shrugged her shoulders while playing with her fingers. Momma Kim shook her head. She could not believe her daughter's childish ways.

"Listen, don't allow your fears to interfere with your happiness." 

"How could I not? I mean all I do is get hurt. Trying again is useless if you ask me." Setting a nice warm cup of Milo down in front of her daughter, Momma Kim perched on the stool next to Malaysia.

"All that means is you're human. If you did not experience hurt and failure, how would know what true love and success felt like? Think of love like the first time you learned how to skate. Malaysia, you fell down a countless number of times that night. On the way home, you laid in the backseat , groaning. After a few seconds of silence, you blurted 'Momma, I think I broke a butt cheek' and I died with laughter." They both chuckled at the memory. 

"Moral of the story, no matter how many times you fell down, you got back up and tried again. Life isn't always going to be sunshine and daisies. There will be plenty of days when it rains down. Hell, it might even hail on your head. But you would have to continue to press on. Press through the hurt and the pain for it's going to be worth it all in the end."  

No matter what, Malaysia knew she could always count on her mother for the right dosage of encouragement. Momma Kim always had the right words, the perfect delivery, and knew how to cease the perfect moment to get through to Malaysia. Deep down, she knew Malaysia's insecurities were rooted to that day she saw her father at the park. Momma Kim could never forgive herself for allowing that to happen to a little, delicate Malaysia.  

"Now call that man, before I do."

Staring at her ceiling, Malaysia contemplated contacting Ahmir. She had mixed feelings. Reservations. Times like these, she wrote out her feelings. Retrieving her favorite purple pen and notebook she began.

  Why is it so hard to love? Why is it so challenging to let my guard down? Is it because when I do, my heart is vulnerable? He can take it and he can break it. I'll give him what's left of me and he'll just degrade it. Oh how futile my love is then. Is that why it's complicated to let someone in? I share my past and cry my tears, reliving the hurt I endured over the years. To what end? He fucked me over again. But that's my fault, I let him in. I invited him into the depths of my heart when I should've listened to my better judgment from the start. Is that why I continue to meet you in different forms, different races. You're really testing my patience. Leave me alone, let me be. Away with the body hopping to get to me. You've been antagonizing me for years. You don't think that's enough? I do. I'm weary of your lies and half truths. My heart can't take no more of you. My feelings don't want anything to do with you. Can't you see that we're through? If not, let me make it clear. No matter who you may transform into next, you won't get near. I'm learning from my mistakes of trusting you. No longer will I be your fool. Changing my ways and views, you won't be able to get through. Guess the jokes on you now. I pray for the next girl you penetrate mentally, physically, and emotionally. I hope she's strong willed. I pray she don't be the girl I used to be over the years.  

Instead of murder, pain and hurt she wrote. Inescapable. Inevitable. It constantly followed. Every man she encountered seemed to take glee in leaving with pieces of her. First her father, then every man whom she took interest in. Randall really did a number on Malaysia, though. As if his infidelity was not enough, he included her alleged 'best friend', tripling the treachery. If this was Injustice 2, Randall had done a special move, totaling in about three hundred hits, on Malaysia. And while she was in a daze, he used his super move, Tamia, completely destroying her. Two people who she held close to her heart betrayed her. How was she supposed to just let go and let Ahmir in? For all she knew, he could be the same person just in a different body. A shapeshifter.

* * *

The sounds of the waves colliding against the shore seemed  to have a calming effect on both Ahmir and Malaysia. A late night, early morning, there were not that many people occupying the beach but the drunk and the horny; they were neither. Ahmir was en route to his home when he received a call from an unexpected caller. At first, he thought he was hallucinating,  but sure enough it was her, asking to him to meet her at Hollywood Beach. How could he say no?

"I'd never thought you'd call back, let alone ask me out."

"Well, I had my reservations. My mother told me to call you or she would," Ahmir smiled while she giggled. Ahmir made a mental note to thank her mother later. 

"That's a smart woman."

"Is she?" 

After asking the question, both their brows furrowed, as they let their inhibitions consume them. For a split second, Ahmir pondered if he was coming on too strong. Was he unknowingly pushing Malaysia away with his unyielding advances or were she just that guarded? Either way, Ahmir dismissed his thoughts and led her to a pair of empty wooden lounge chairs close to water. Settling, he looked upon the stars and exhaled. Then he gazed at Malaysia. The moonlight accentuated her skin, she glowed. She appeared as if she was hypnotized by the motion and sound of the waves as it held her attention. Malaysia was a mystery to Ahmir. Skipping the common formalities, he opted to get straight to the point.

"Why are you so guarded?"