Alyzae

Alyzae-2

By the time we got to McGov we could see Sierra and everyone else leaving. Just another example of how they didn't give a shit about us. Alyzae may have known it. We were just too fucking naive. The absence of everyone else had no affect on either of us. As long as we were with each other everything was fine.

It wasn't until after her death that I realized how much time we actually spent together. We really were like sisters.

Even though I was surrounded by it. It took me years to realize just how gang influenced Milwaukee actually was. Not common gangs as Bloods and Crypts, but the fives and six's. Although my parents tried their hardest to shelter me from it, it was right in front of me.

We hung upside down from one of the poles over the play set. Alyzae talked to me for what seemed like hours about how her audition for MHA (Milwaukee High School of the Arts) after she had left Roosevelt that year. As much as I pretended that she was annoying me and that I was uninterested, I was actually on edge. That was the school I had always planed to go to. After Lincoln of course. That's a completely different argument with Alyzae. She swore Roosevelt was better, I begged to differ. Come to find out we were both wrong. Both schools equally as bad.

That night Alyzae asked me how I felt about losing Hannahniah. As badly as I wanted to change the subject, I wanted just as badly to tell her. Tell her how torn and broken I was on the inside. Tell her how I regretted every hateful thought I had towards my sister.

"You know you're like my sister, right?" She asked finishing off our last can of seven up. "Well not like my sister. You are my sister."

I nodded. It was confirmed that she was my sister.

By now it was 5 in the evening. I was tired and expected to be back at my aunts house. The two of us walked up 63rd to Florest Ave. The brick house came in to view.

"Walk with me"

I declined.

"Please? I don't like walking by myself."

Its getting dark. You're older. You can walk alone.

"Donnie!"

So, you want a 11 year old to walk by herself in this neighborhood?

"If something happens to me it's your fault!"

The last word she ever said to me.

Those words. Those eight words. She said it as a joke. But the effect those words had on me were much deeper.

I laughed and said "Okay" before walking up the driveway.

She turned around with her hair waving behind her. Her denim shorts with the loose hems and her green camisole.

I can still remember every detail of her.

Every detail of that night.

Every conversation.

Every laugh.

Everything.

That's what makes it worse. I can remember it. There've been days where I'd replay every second. Thinking, 'if I never told her to come out, she'd still be alive'

I sat in the bed with my cousin. I was frustrated that my parents were leaving me there for the night.

A blur of blue and red rushed past the bedroom window. It was normal for the police to be on this side of town.

Being the two nosey girls we are me and and my cousin ran to the window.

Police and ambulances filled the street along with other nosey people. They turned down the corner of Bobolink, preventing is from seeing anything.

The thought never occurred to me "what if they were going to Alyzae's"

The next morning I walked down the short hallway to the kitchen. I said good morning to Aunty. Of course I'm the second person up. It's 6 in the morning.

I took a seat at the counter and focused my attention to the tv playing the band aid commercial.

I am stuck on a band aid, so the germs don't stick on me.

Alyzae always hated when I sang that. I couldn't help it! It was catchy. And the young Ski Jackson was so cute.

I remember Aunty telling me a little girl got shot. I paid no mind to it. It was common on this side of town.

Fox 6 news appeared on the small screen. There was the reporter lady standing in front of a crime scene. The area looked to familiar. I lost interest in the tv and went to the pantry behind me.

I nearly dropped the box of Chex when I heard her name.

.Alyzae Garcia.

It rung in my head for what felt like hours. I turned around. And everything fell in it's place.

The familiar background

The name

Her

My best friend was gone.

My sister was taken from me. Again.

Saying I was crushed was an understatement. I had lost her.

Someone is going to get to me

This is a bad idea

If something happens to me it's your fault

The words replayed in my head for years.

Nearly two months after my best friend had died I was still in contact with their mom. After I found out the details I didn't know how to act.

Her mom was -and still is- pissed at me for not going to her funeral.

I didn't go because I don't want that image in my head. The image of Alyzae laying, silent and perfectly still in a coffin.

She was never quiet. Or still. Even when she was asleep. She slept wild and snored loud.

If I had the choice I wouldn't go back and attend the funeral. I still feel the same way about it.

I don't think I'll ever recover from losing her