Joe Hardcore

Chapter 1: Mornings and mournings.

Reagan sleeps on my couch. I don't know his real name but he's a very positive homeless guy approaching the age of forty. He'll crash from midnight until nine in the morning and then we'll have French fries for breakfast before he leaves to the library where he'll stay until the soup kitchen opens.

Sometimes we go to the church luncheons together and eat like gluttons. Sometimes we're the only people that go to the church luncheons and they'll send us home with food that would otherwise spoil. Last time we left with thirty barbecued hamburgers.

I wish I was a vegetarian. I wish I was vegan. I wish I wasn't me.

Reagan couch hops to not feel like an inconvenience to anyone. I'm not sure how we met. I think he was standing on a street corner pan handling and as I gave him my last three dollars he sparked a conversation about depression and mental illness and we've been friends ever since. He's no inconvenience to me. I don't mind giving him food and lending him a cigarette. The guy is solid and solid people don't come along very often.

He's down on his luck and I'm always almost starving or homeless so it's easy to relate to him. I thought he was a drug addict but it turns out he'd be straight edge if it wasn't for cigarettes. He wouldn't eat meat if beggars could be choosers. I wouldn't eat meat if I had any will power or self-control. You should say no to the person offering you drugs and not the drugs themselves.

Meat is expensive. If dogs tasted like bacon I'd eat your dog. I'm not sure what part of the pig tastes like maple I just know I'm really fond of bacon. Ground beef is my other sin against animals. I could live without hamburgers but not spaghetti and meatballs.

You listen to The Misfits almost every single day. You appreciate Glenn Danzig and Michale Graves as vocalists for the band. You associate the act with Alice Cooper. Horror music. People like to be scared. You watch horror movies for shock value. You like gore. You like violence. You like serial killers but only through the looking glass that is your television. Turn off your television. Your television was your babysitter and now it's your best friend.

Reagan hasn't watched television in years. He calls it "The babysitter.". Stare at the TV just like a junky. We own a television and pay a cable bill but I can't remember the last time we turned on the television.

Open a fucking book and use your imagination you media consuming zombie.

Marilyn Monroe once said "if you can't handle me a at my worst you don't deserve me at my best." I've always liked that quote because Marilyn Monroe committed suicide. Even Marilyn Monroe couldn't handle Marilyn Monroe at her worst. I'd tear her apart. She had curves and I love curves. Skeletons have never been attractive to me. You're five pounds away from looking like a meth addled whore and your eating disorder is going to cause the first case of scurvy in North America since the settlers. Eat an orange for breakfast.
Eat breakfast!

Do you remember cereal commercials that said the cereal was part of a nutritious breakfast and it showed some poor kid with a bowl of the cereal, a banana, an orange, a glass of milk, a glass of orange juice, toast, bacon, and a God damn omelet? Who eats that much?

If you can afford the cereal being advertised all you're eating for breakfast is the cereal. I used to buy cereal strictly for the prize in the box. Isn't ironic that we're a generation of write that complains about every child getting a participation ribbon but we all expected a prize in our cereal?

A neighbor kid used to come over for breakfast as his parents couldn't afford it and showing up for the breakfast club is probable cause to get children's services involved. We didn't mind. We were eating pop tarts and mom could spare a few. I hadn't seen him in years and found out he was stabbed to death by his best friend at a party. Best friends are good for things like that. You can't keep gently stabbing me with the scissors.