14 and heartless

Abused

Family issues court battles every two years or so occurred after my moms death. My dad was released from jail and he gotten custody of my sister and I. I just remember going to visit my dad on the weekends. I really didnt like going to much. I would always ask when are we going home which was my grandmothers house. Once my mom passed and my dad was in jail we never been really close. I remember going to my dads for the weekend was not really just for the weekend it meant living with him. On that day I told my grandma no I wanna stay home with her.  My grandma didnt tell us we were going to live with my dad. My dad told us that night once we gotten with him that we lived with him on now. I really didnt like it I was sad and wanted to go back home. Im not saying I dont love and care for my dad.  I just dont like living with my dad to well as years went on.  I saw how he really was. I would always cry when I went to my grandma house on weekends when it was time to leave. My family on my moms side of the family felt as my dad wasnt doing what he should do for me and my sister. Years go on and my family would go to court and try to get custody but they never did until 2013. Year 2013 my moms mother talked to us we'll tell her how my dad beats us, and fuss, and bruises well get. We all cried when talking about it because it just hurt us so bad like we just wouldnt really fully understand we just wanted a way out. So on that summer my grandma and my sister and I filed court custody papers. Once the papers were sent to my dad he hurried and came got my  sister and I we were crying and scared. My dad would  be so angry and say are yall  trying to turn against me. My sister and I would lie and say no because even if we told the truth or not he still would beat us regardless. He would be angry talk and fuss and say all my grandma wants us for is just money. Finally the pain and abuse didnt finally stop at the court date because my sister and I went to court spoke to the judge and told them we want to live with my grandmother. The whole time we told him we said we want to live with him. My dad was really angry and that's where things got serious. when we went home with him and we had to leave on saturday to go live with my grandmother. He came in my room choked me pull my hair throw stuff at me. I would just cry and wish I was dead he treated me the worst from my sister. My dad felt as I hated him but didnt fully understand why I felt the way I felt because of the ways he would treat me. Saturady finally came we packed our things and went with my grandma. My dads mom kept asking if I not tell my grandma how my dad put his hands on me before we went with my grandma. I didn't tell my grandma. I wouldn't want to tell no one because I was so sad I just never wanted to see him again I was tortured until I was gone. All he really saw in the whole situation was that I turned against him he never fully cared about his doing. I dont think I'll ever fully forgive my dad for all that he had done to me. He'll call me the B word say he hates me slap me and he made me truly hate myself as if I was the worst mistake on earth that has ever tooken place. The things ill never fully forget in life is how he showed me how he truly felt of me. He would just beat me untill my arms turnt blue and purple. Until I could not cry any more because the pain was to much. I would not be able feel myself and all I would suddenly see is my vision fading away to black, and I would completely be black out until he is done hitting me and all be on the floor all night numb crying and wanting to kill myself.