The Two Sides of Alec

Human

A/N: Hey guys, it's TheAlternativeRuler once again, here with another Malec treat for you! This is another song-fic (actually, there will be 2 chapters, each a different song) that I've been wanting to write. This side of Alec is the side where he beats himself up over everything and blames himself for Magnus leaving him and everything else that goes wrong. This is the side I think is probably more likely to happen. The song for this chapter is "Human" by Christina Perri. Listening to the song while reading is recommended. Both chapters are post-COLS and focusing on Malec and Malec alone. If you don't want the end of the book to be spoiled, don't read this! Alright, thanks a bunch guys! Enjoy!

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The Two Sides of Alec
Chapter 1, Song 1---"Human" by Christina Perri
Alec's POV

I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that's what you want
Be your number one

Alec was sitting at the desk in his bedroom at the Institute, crying silently while rereading the letter for the millionth time. The paper was wrinkled and torn in a few places, covered in his tear-stains.

Dear Alexander Lightwood,

Alexander, your sister has informed me that you haven't been eating or sleeping since our breakup. She gave me the responsibility of convincing you to eat and sleep, blaming me for your actions. At any rate, I would not want your death on my conscience, nor for Isabelle to come and tie me up with her whip if I didn't convince you. Please, take better care of yourself. The sooner you get up and move on, the better off we'll all be. You got along with your life just fine before me, and you'll get along with it just fine after. Stop being such a baby. If you won't take care of yourself for you, or even for me, at least do it for Isabelle and Jace. Your sister already lost a brother, she doesn't need to lose another. And Jace---though I despise doing the annoying blonde favors---needs you too. He won't be able to cope with losing his parabatai. This is your only warning from me as well as the last you'll hear of me.

-The High Warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus Bane

It had been a little over three weeks since that day in the subways, when his world had been bleached of all color, and his life crashed down around him. Alec wasn't expecting the effects of their breakup to hit him this badly, but he didn't have to will to eat, and nightmares plagued his every sleeping moment.

He'd locked himself in his room, not allowing anyone inside for the first week. Then the letter came. It was slipped under his door, sitting on the floor, begging to be opened. He could recognize the fancy scrawl of his ex-boyfriend.

Alec had picked up the letter gingerly, as if it would grow teeth and bite him, and read it. Halfway through, the tears started flowing. He missed his warlock so much, the heartache was eating him alive. It devoured all feelings except sadness, longing, and pain, letting these fester in what was left of his broken heart.

Though he didn't want to, Alec started eating after the letter came. He talked himself into at least six hours of sleep a day, just enough to keep the bags from making him look like he'd been punched in the face. But since Magnus asked, he did it. Though the warlock had broken his heart, he'd still do anything Magnus wanted him to do. If that meant eating and sleeping, surviving, but not living, he'd do it. If he'd been taking better care of himself in the beginning and Magnus had asked him to let himself die of starvation and sleep deprivation, he would in a heartbeat.

I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am

Though the last letter had said it was all he'd be hearing from Magnus, another one came a few weeks later. This one too was soon covered with tears and wrinkles.