Over the next few weeks we spent a lot of time together. He would cook me breakfast with my almost never used pots and pans. Sometimes the whole gang would come over and we would have a big breakfast together or watch movies all morning. Istarted to get really close to a lot of the band members, especially Emily. Her and i would go shopping together, which was something i never usually did, or do fun things like go to the beach or to the movies. Christine started joining us too, and i was really surprised how well she hid her inner fan girl! It was almost the end of the summer and i would have to go back to teaching.
One morning i woke up at around 3 o'clock and i couldn't fall back asleep, so i brought my guitar out on the porch and started playing. The song i always played when i got anxious was Take Your Time (Coming Home). I was about halfway through the song when i noticed Emily walk out. I stopped playing immediately.
"Did i wake you?"
"No no, i couldn't sleep and i heard you playing so i figured i would join you. You know if Nate heard you playing this he would just about die and go to heaven!" She said excitedley.
"Really?"
"Of course! He's a suckered for musicians. Can I see your guitar?"
"Sure! " I handed it to her. She started playing The Gambler, singing the lyrics so beautifully. I started to sing with her, making up harmonies as I sang. After the song, she smiled at me.
"Wow, you know what you're doing. Can you harmonize like that to any song?"
"Yes I can! I've been working on that for years. Let me see the guitar. Name one of your songs, I'll play it and harmonize to you." She handed the guitar to me.
"Hmm, okay. How about Stars?"
"Perfect." I began to play and I pulled some harmonies out of my ass as we sang. I was actually quite proud of myself. Usually I pick the wrong harmony here and there, but I hit all the right notes this time. I heard clapping behind me, and I turned around to see Nate sitting in the doorway starting to light a cigarette.
"That was beautiful girls! " I blushed then, and thanked him shyly.
"Do you have any songs of your own?" Nate asked.
"As a matter of fact, I do. "
"Maybe you could play them for us later when everyone is awake? "
"I would be happy to! "
"Great! This will be so fun! " Emily exclaimed. Suddenly I got really nervous. What if they don't like my songs?
Everyone got up and Nate made breakfast. We had sleepovers like this a lot at my apartment. We would spread sleeping bags and blankets all over the floor in the living room and all of us would sleep in random places on our makeshift bed. Usually we would ignore the fact that I had a queen sized bed because sleeping together on the floor was way more fun.
After we all ate breakfast we all gathered in the living room. I tried to avoid performing my songs but Nate brought it up and everyone pressured me into singing for them. I sat on the coffee table and sang my song "I'm Fine" and after that I sang another one of my songs called "For You" which I wrote for the one friend I had other than Christine that passed away, and I started to cry after I finished the song. No one other than Christine knew about him. At first they all looked confused. I couldn't stop crying because I hadn't played that song very often. After a few minutes Nate slowly approached me and sat next to me. He put his hand on my back, confused. All of a sudden i buried my chest in his shoulder until I could control my crying.
Andrew got up and sat on the other side of me, "I take it that song was from personal experience."
I sniffled and lifted up my head, "Yeah, " I sighed. He put his hand on my head and ruffled my hair.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jack asked me. It took me a minute to think about it, but I decided I needed to get it out. I told them all about it.
“There was a boy, his name was Daniel, and he was my best friend. Even before Christine. We had known each other since birth. I can’t explain our relationship really, it wasn’t like any friendship. We weren’t like brother and sister, OR boyfriend and girlfriend, we were simply eachothers other half. We couldn’t do anything without the other. It wasn’t romantic though, it was intimate and a different way. There was so much compassion, almost like the amount of love and care was the same as marriage, but the kind of love we gave was more like brother and sister, if that makes sense. Ever since the day I was born he looked after me, and he protected me. We were so close that we would hold hands going places without even thinking anything of it. It was a friendship I will never find again. We both started going downhill with our emotions. We had both started developing depression, mine developing particularly faster. Eventually he began to slit his wrists like I had been doing all along, and the sight of his pain alone made me want to vomit. One night we were having a sleepover, and he went to bed early because he had a bad day. When I woke up he wasn’t there, and I found a note on my bed. I still remember the words exactly, ‘I couldn’t do it if you weren’t the last person I saw. I love you more than anything and I always will. If I didn’t have you I wouldn’t have made it this far, but this is where it ends and I can’t live any longer. It’s just my time. I’m sorry I did this while you were here, but I just couldn’t bare to leave on my own. Please don’t go in the bathroom. I love you.’ I remember falling onto the ground, sobbing. I didn’t want to believe he was gone, and for some reason I truly believed if I walked into the bathroom, he would still be there alive. But when I walked in I saw him hanging from the shower rod. He hung himself with my scarf, actually. I burned that scarf. I was very angry with him for a long time, and I think that’s part of the reason I have trust issues. I trusted him with my life, he knew everything there was to know about me. He always told me he would always be there for me, but he ended up leaving me forever, and that really made me mad for awhile. But now I live with it. I know he didn’t want to hurt me, and I eventually forgave him. Once I forgave him I wrote him that song, because he always asked me to write him a song, and since I’m a procrastinator, I never did it. When I lost my entire family, I still had him, and that was all I needed. I was okay with him being my life, and that he was, with him I felt like I had everything, even though we weren't romantic with each other, he was still the only family I had. One day I had everything, and the next day I have nothing. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. Some days it’s the good memories, but other days it’s the image that is stained in my skull of him dead in the bathroom.” Everyone in the room was silent, all eyes glued on my face. Nate slid his hand into mine, and then gave me a huge hug. Soon after that everyone in the room was hugging me at once, “Guys, you know, it feels great to be loved again. I finally feel like I am in a place where I belong, like I have some sort of family. Ever since Daniel died, I have felt out of place every second of my life, and when I am with you guys, I feel like the last puzzle piece to a puzzle being placed. I love you all.” I was showered with hugs and kisses from everyone. We ended up having a huge jam session, and I showed off my harmonizing skills. When we finished, we all plopped on the couches.
“What am I going to do when you guys go back on tour?” I asked getting sad.
“Well won’t you be teaching?” Andrew asked.
“Well yes, but haven’t I made it clear that I love you all? Maybe I could take my vacation times to see you guys!” I hated thinking about them going back on tour, but I had to face it some time! Nattie jumped up.
“Why don’t you just come with us?! You can take a year off as a teacher for whatever reasons? We have plenty of room!”
“Well that’s up to all of you…” I said nervously. Everyone unanimously agreed that it would be a great idea, but there were lots of details to go over.
“This is one of the best ideas you’ve ever come up with, Nattie.” Nate said so enthusiastically, staring at me with a huge smile, “Oh my god! Steph, you could open for us, or you could perform with us!” Nate started lunging at me, scooping me up in a huge hug.
Yeah this could work.
