Things I Wish I Would've Known

Part 1: Middle School

Well, chances are, if you are over the age of 12, you have access to the internet, and that means that you have stumbled on to my story. Congratulations, I think you have made a wise decision to stop here and to read a little bit about what I have to say on the first of many subjects you will find.

When I was somewhere between the ages of 10-13, I was about as weird and unpopular as they come. I worried about fitting in, I worried about making friends, and I worried about being a good basketball player. Unfortunately for me, I had none of those things go my way. I was tall, smelly, and ugly, so I didn't fit in, I was not cool and I didn't take care of myself, so I didn't have friends, and I had no confidence, so I wasn't very good at basketball. 

Regardless of your age, whether you are 10 or 110, you are probably sitting here wondering why I chose to touch on the topic of middle school. 

Well, I think that middle school lessons are lessons that we can apply to our lives, regardless of age. 

When I was in the 5th grade at Charlevoix Middle School, a young lady by the name of Maggie Hamilton came up to me. I was by far one of the weirder kids in school, I had one friend, Daniel Scott, who was also really weird, so when Maggie, one of the prettiest girls in all of Charlevoix came up to me in the hallway, I was shocked. She handed me a piece of paper, and in it, it read a line that most kids these days may never see: "Do you like me? Circle YES or NO". 

Starstruck by the 5th grade bombshell that stood before me, of course I circled yes and handed her the piece of paper. More of Maggie's friends started to gather around us, and then they all laughed, as Maggie smacked me with a lightning bolt that she had drawn into her palm to inform me that I had been zapped. 

For those of you youngsters that don't know what being zapped is, it is basically the modern day equivalent to receiving a wedgie from the class bully. It is the sign that you are a loser, and that no one likes you, or wants to be your friend, and that is simply because, you are different. 

I hated myself. I went into the bathroom on the east end of the school, and I would sit in the bathroom stall, and just cry during class time. I would leave class every single day, lock myself in the bathroom stall, and just sob like a baby. I couldn't believe that, no matter how hard I tried, and no matter how much I wanted these people to view me as their friend, and as their equal, they wanted nothing to do with me. I was shoved into lockers in the hallway, I was punched in the nose for being a momma's boy, and I was shoved off of a swing set at the playground for using the popular kid's swings during morning recess. 

Out of those mornings, I learned something very valuable. I didn't need friends like that, and I didn't want people like that in my life, trying to make me mold into something other than myself. I wasn't a jerk like that, and I didn't want to be either. Like I said, I was weird, and I was ugly, and I was different. But, I was okay with being me, and that was the one thing that kept me from crying even more.

Well, let me tell you something. You are not weird and you're probably not bad looking either. But there is one thing that you are regardless of what you tell yourself, and that is different. In middle school, life is hard, because you have never really understood what being social is, so you are trying to learn to make friends. It is even more difficult, because you are going what many call puberty, and so there are a lot of chemical and physical changes going on in the body at this time as well, as you probably understand. 

With all that in mind, please remember one thing.

Being different is such a good thing. Being unique, and being quirky, and being yourself, is the best thing that you can be! Why? Because, when you grow up and you're 21 like me, you're going to still be struggling to find yourself if you don't just be yourself. There is no point in changing who you are, you came to this earth as a unique being. You are a 1 of 1. There is no one just like you, so why would you want to conform, to become something that you are not? Why would you want to dress the same way as other kids? Do you not believe in yourself and in the power that you have to create change?

Well, let me tell you, you should. Regardless of who you are, the way you dress, the way you smell, the kind of shoes you have on your feet, you truly, (and yes, I really do mean it) have the power and the influence to make your mark on this world. You can leave this world a long time from now, knowing that you changed the lives of others, and for the better!

You may not be the most popular boy or girl in your school right now, and guess what? That is totally okay. I was never one of the popular kids in school, and to be honest, I am glad that I wasn't. Being popular brings on this pressure of having to be someone that you are not to appear better than other people, to those other people. It's a constant costume change. But, if you will just be yourself, and embrace the unique things that make you who you are, you will find that people will come to you, and want to be your friend, because they will want to know how they can be happy and be themselves as well!

Some of the best advice I ever got was from my wonderful, beautiful mother Heidi. She told me, if you can't be comfortable being yourself, you'll never be comfortable. 

Those words still ring true in my brain, and I hope that they will resonate with you as well, because I know, that with a little faith in yourself, and the belief that you can do anything you want to do in this world, that you can succeed and you can find happiness in every little thing in your life.

In the 8th grade, things got worse. Much worse. My family, which had lived in Michigan since I had began school, moved across the country to a little town out in the middle of nowhere called Blackfoot, Idaho. When we moved, I was already very scared. Why? Well, as many of you may understand, it is very difficult to make new friends, and especially at such an age where many of the kids had already put together their little groups, so to speak. 

My first day of school, I met the prettiest girl in school, no questions asked. Her name was Billie Gibson, and she was the outside hitter for the 8th grade volleyball team. I saw her in the hallway, and tried to squeak out the word hello, but nothing came out except a little squeak, as puberty had kind of hit me full swing at that point. She laughed, and kept walking. 

The thing that I wish I would have known at that point in time, is that it's totally okay to be nervous to talk to a girl. 

While some would find it completely laughable that you would be nervous about a girl, if you are anything like me, you could find a lot of different things to be insecure about.

I was the epitome of insecure, and Billie knew it. As the most popular girl in the 8th grade, she laughed almost every time I went to utter a word to her, because she knew that she was so popular and so pretty that she could make just about anyone in the school nervous just by walking around. Remarkable, what popularity can do, right?

Eventually, things got worse. I got called gay by nearly everyone in school, because I was unable to talk to girls confidently, and I was unable to show that I could be social with the popular kids. I would often sit alone at the cafeteria, hoping that I wouldn't get picked on. A lot of times, I would have rubber bands shot at me, and just like in Michigan, a lot of my time at school was either spent in the bathroom crying or the counselor's office crying. 

So, now, you've got all this information about my life, and I haven't given you hardly any advice on how to better yourself, right? Well, here it is.

Do not give validation to bullies. Don't let them see you cry or see you upset. That is the stuff that fuels their inner fire. It is important to remember that bullies, often times, were either bullied at a younger age, or may even have a rough home life, so they may not mean to hurt you, they may just be taking out anger or sadness or frustration on you, because you're an easy target.

So, how in the world are you supposed to combat these social nightmares? Simple. Be yourself. Stay true to the person that you are, do the things that make you happy and make you feel like you're a good person, and eventually, people will surround you, because they will become jealous and envious of the happiness that you radiate. It's a crazy theory, but if you try it out, just thank me later.