Flower ((A Dan Howell Fanfiction))

Chapter One:

Tana was shivering with anticipation as we walked through crowds of people, trying to get to the one place we both traveled half the nation to be. Florida was very different from Texas. First of all, there were no cattle ranches. Second of all, Florida was ripe in the abundance of orange trees and orchards. Personally, I've never been outside of the state of Texas, let alone my little town in the middle of nowhere. Tana was the one who traveled.

She had been to Hawaii, New York, and to a small little city in the middle of Italy. She knew how much I want to travel, so when she gets back from a long excursion, when she would talk about her trip, she would talk about all the bad things that went down while she was there. I knew she was trying to help, but it didn't really work.

I like that she tries to make her amazing trips boring and bleak as to make me feel better about never being able to go anywhere, but sometimes she tried too hard.

Tana was consulting a map of the building, a map that read Playlist 2017 on the top. She was muttering to herself, twisting the map left and right, looking up occasionally, looking over at me a few times with a chagrined smile on her face. I knew how she got when she was embarrassed, so I took the map from her and tried my best to navigate our way to the auditorium where our favorite YouTubers would be.

It didn't take that long. All you had to do was follow the small river of people going through two double doors with a sign next to them that read 'DAN AND PHIL MEET & GREET'.

When Tana saw the little laminated sign, she started jumping up and down, practically bouncing her way towards the door. Before she went in, she stopped and turned to make sure I was still behind her.

"Is it bad today?"

I shook my head. I could see a part of her that didn't believe me, but with a terse nod, she smiles and beckons me forward. What I didn't tell her as she looped her arm through mine and walked into take our seats was that my anxiety was particularly bitchy today.

I didn't want her to worry.

As we took our seats, people filed inn around us, trying to find seating, the whole room buzzing with teenage energy. Sometimes being twenty had its perks.

Tana was eighteen, so I grew up getting used to her teenage angst and spazzy personality. Now she was letting her inner spaz show. I just sat quietly in my chair, staring down at my hands.

"OhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygosh!" Tana was becoming a ridiculous fangirl, and I probably would have joined in, but my anxiety was beginning to drown out all the screaming girls around me.

Two doors in the wall to my right open and in walks the only two YouTubers I trekked across the country for: Phil Lester and Dan Howell. Tana is bouncing in her seat, nervous and excited energy turning her into a literal mess. I continued to stay quiet.

The two YouTubers started to introduce themselves and people were starting to walk up and talk with them, taking pictures and or showing them pieces of fanart. Tana reaches into her little holographic backpack and pulls out a small sketch. She drew it a year ago, vowing to herself that someday she would give it to Phil, whom she loved more than anything.

It was a small little chibi of him eating an ice cream.

Clutching it to her chest, she stands up and motions for me to join her. I stand and make my way up to the front with her.

Halfway there—which wasn't inherently that far—I stop. Tana continues on her way to them; I stand in the aisle, listening as my breathing becomes a foul rasp and my chest tightens. My eyes go wide.

I gotta get out of here. I gotta... Taking a harsh breath in, I stumble my way to Tana and make my way out.

"Chrys?" Tana says, worry lacing her voice. My heart clenches for her, but also, at the same time, my heart rate speeds up to where I feel my fingers go numb.

I stutter to a stop at the doors, and look over my shoulder with a terrified look, and then push my way out.

"Chrys!"

Outside, people have tripled in number, and my stomach drops to my toes. Gasping, I turn left and hastily make my trek with my hand against the wall for support.

You promised Tana that this wouldn't happen, Chrys. You lied to her, Chrys. You are a terrible friend, Chrys. She's going to be angry with you, and you deserve it for lying.

I'm practically panting, and finally end up next to a bench, but I don't sit down. I drop to my knees and crawl underneath, curing up with my knees to my chest, focusing on reducing my heart rate. There's ringing in my ears.

A cold sweat has pasted my shirt to my back, but I ignore it.

"CHRYS? CHRYS!"

Tana's voice cuts into my brain, slicing their way past the ringing in my ears. I curl deeper into myself. I'm crying now, angry with myself for allowing something like this to happen, and terrified because this is the first anxiety attack I've had in six months. Even though I hadn't had one for a while, Tana was always worried that something would tip me off, and she knew what I was getting myself into, and she was still worried and vigilant as always.

I fisted my hands, trying to keep myself from scratching my arms or neck. To no avail.

I scratched harsh lines up and down my arms, scratching hard against the side of my neck until I felt a sting. I broke the skin. Fuck. Tears were dripping off my face onto the carpet. I clenched my eyes shut, trying to stop them.

"Chrys, please come out. You're worrying me something fierce." I could hear someone running past me, and then more people.

"Should we call security and have them help us find her?"

I tensed.

"No," Tana said, "that'll just scare her more."

More calling my name, more running footsteps, and then...

"Wait."

Footsteps came from directly behind me and then someone was reaching under the bench for me. I felt to small hands take me by the shoulders, trying to haul me out.

"Chrys, please don't do that again. You scared me."

She managed to sit me up, and even with my head down I could tell she wasn't alone. Tana's hands roved over my body, slowing when she passed the sensitive skin on my neck. I heard her hiss in a breath. Her hands moved from my neck to my arms, lifting one lightly to gently run her fingers over the scratches I made.

"Oh, Chrys." Her voice sounded so broken, and more tears filled my eyes when I realized that I caused it.

I lift my bowed head and stare at her through my hair.

"I'm sorry, Tana. I messed up your whiskers."

Tana gave me once over and then started to chuckle. I only ever allowed Tana to put the whiskers on me because she said she would wear them too, but never got the chance because the marker ran dry.

I had managed to smear the whiskers she so delicately drew onto my face across my cheek.

Tana smiles at me, and gathers me in a hug.

"I'm so sorry we ruined the meet and greet for you," Tana says to someone nearby. As I raised my head to see who—and I figured it would have been another well-wishing fan from the meet and greet—I was astonished to see who she was actually talking to.

Dan-fucking-Howell was kneeling behind her with a shy smile on his face, looking me dead in the eye.