Hqg ri Wkh Zruog Exgglhv! (A Gravity Falls Fanfic)

Chapter 1 - Srwdwr Orbdowb

Disclaimer:
I do not own Gravity Falls or any of the characters. That credit goes to the creators. I only own my OC Cosmic Willow.

A/N : First fanfic so I may or may not continue this. Fair warning. May be edited later.

Whoosh!!

Thud!!

"What the flying fuck nugget Mother Nature!!!", I said as I painfully stood up and brushed off my, probably bruised, arse. The wind playfully, but a lot gentler, tussled my short hair around.

I hear a deep laughter and spin around only to see good old Stan Pines. Everyone in town say he's just some grumpy old man who runs a scam shop to get tourist to give him money. Half of that is right. He's not so bad though. We kinda became friends after I helped him fix up his car. And clean up the shop until he hired my friend Wendy. "Well that's a new one.", he said as he walked over to me and my one true love, hammock-senpai.

"Trying to broaden my vocabulary." I pointed my nose up and did that weird flick of the hair thing that I seen in a movie. Another chuckle came from the older man. "What are you doing here anyway Fez?"

"Are you ever gonna stop calling me that" He crossed his arms and raised one of his eyebrows. I mimicked his action and with jokeish tone, "Are you gonna stop scamming people?"

He ignored me and continued to answer my first question. " YOU were supposed to be at the Mystery Shack to help ME clean the attic an hour ago. My niece and nephew are going to be here in a week and I want to get it over with." He followed me up to my porch so I could lock my door.

I placed my right hand over my heart and with false awe, "And you came to make sure lil ole Cosmic Willow wasn't dead"

"More like I just don't want to clean the attic." He said with a quick snort. I rolled my eyes and huffed," You are so lucky we're buddies." He ignored that as well and just told me to hurry to the car.

   Once at the mystery shack Stan quickly went in to start another sca- I mean "tour". I lazily walked in and was greeted by Wendy and Soos. Wendy in her normal  flannel shirt, reading a magazine.....about flannel? And Soos.....well being Soos.

"Sup Willow! How've you been? I haven't seen you since you graduated. What brings you to the Mystery Shack?" She says as she lowers her magazine.
"Oh you know some tree hugging and some dirt worshiping. Beating up gnomes." She lets a giggle slip out and shakes her head. "And old man Fez-"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

"Fez!" There was a big sigh and giggles from Wendy and I. "I'm helping him clean the attic for when his nephew and niece come."
She was about to reply but a heavy set woman with super curly hair and her kid roughly pushed me aside so she could pay for some, what looked like, stupid trinket that Stan glued together. Wendy gave me an apologetic look and I responded with a quick wave as I made my way to the attic.

About two hours passed and I was finally done. I texted Fez that I was going to walk home. And tiredly left the Mystery Shack.

I followed the dirt path that lead towards my house and meditated while doing so. I was brought back to reality by the annoying sound of the fuck nuggets of the forest.

"Swing it some more!"

"Smebulock!"

I slowly walked up to the small herd of gnomes on my beloved hammock-Senpai. My anger growing with every step. They quickly realized I was heading towards them and ran off. I rolled my eyes and tiredly went to open the door to my lovely cabin. I opened the door and figured that since it was only 4pm I should water the plants in the house since I haven't done so in a couple days. My house was completely filled with plants. My plants only came second to my, some would say unhealthy, collection of crystals.

Once done with that I turned on my flat screen smart TV to YouTube.
"Time for your daily dose of DragonFeather~~", I sang as I clicked on a new video by DragonFeather369.

"Man I miss her old intro." I mumble as I mindlessly scroll through my phone. Yes I turned on my TV so I could scroll through my phone. This is a no judge zone.

"Who the fuck am I even thinking to?"
Abour another hour or so was spent browsing YouTube.

Grummmbbbbllle

I slug myself over to my pantry to fulfill my stomachs needs, only to see that it's empty.

"Why do the gods forsake me so!!!!" I cry out, "What's a girl gotta do for some damn Hot Fries!"

"HoW AbOut a DEAL?"

The room I'm in suddenly turn black and white and time seems to stop. I spin around trying to pin point the location of the voice only to see a deadly carrot. "The Carrots are revolting!" I quietly yelled as picked up the small carrot and took a bite of it. "The revolt has  been taken care of and the potatoes rein supreme."

"I Honesty have no idea how to respond to that."

I look to my left to see a..."Floating Dorito?"

"What?"

"Nothing. Is your loyalty to the potato kingdom?"

"I regret coming. Reality is an illusion."

Poof

I wake up on my kitchen floor. Okay that was weirder than when the gnomes stole my "medical" brownies. I giggle to myself as I remember the poor creatures trying to run away, only making it to my porch. I pick myself up for the second time today and glance over to the microwave to check the time.

7:23

I guess some video games are in order, I thought to myself as I made my way to my bedroom and hopped on my PC.
After a while I finally decided to go to bed but had the weird feeling I was being watched. But I just shrugged it off and drifted off into dreamland.