#Relatable (Poetry/short story advertisement)

Too Much All at Once

Author wishes not to be named.

Emotions

They build up and press against the walls of your head.

They rock back and forth like waves on the shore.

Too many. It hurts.

I've cried more in the past 3 days alone than I have in the past 2 years.

It's unbelievable really.

Maybe someday, I'll be free.

Just when one thing gets better, I screw it up again or something new comes.

Joy.

It's only temporary but without it all you feel is pain, sadness.

The thing about pain, is that it all links together.

I try to distract myself with other thoughts but all I can think about is crying on a toilet seat at the age of four, watching my dad jerk off in the corner of a bathroom.

I think about when he would pick me up by my ears alone, three feet off of the ground.

I think about when my mom told me I was moving, when all my friends weren't my friends anymore.

Then I think about where my life is at now.

Do I like it?

Do I not?

I want a lot to change, I want to start over.

Leave this place and not return for 10 years.

My closest friends start to feel more distant, like I'm being replaced.

They stop talking as much as they used to.

They talk to them more.

They seem angry at me.

Are they angry?

Did I do something wrong?

What can I do to fix this?

Nothing.

I've already screwed up enough.

Just ignore it.

Try to be regular.

Not regular.

Less.

Be less.

Less everything.

If they care they'll ask what's wrong.

That's selfish.

Stupid.

Why am I like this?

Shit.

They asked.

I'm fine.

My reasons aren't good enough.

They're stupid.

I can't tell them what's wrong.

I'm wrong.

They do care.

I'm just overthinking this, just like I always do.

I can't drop my petty, ridiculous, small problems on them.

They have their own.

Problems.

I can see the pain and fear in their eyes but they won't talk about it, at least not with me.