Someone Like Yoo

VII

Chapter VII: Yoo Deok-hwa, You're Never Serious

There was never a day in my life when I thought of going back in time because of a past mistake, when my head is gloriously filled with thoughts of 'I should have's or 'what if's. I grew up knowing that everything inscribed to us - every detail of our life story and everyone we are connected with - should never be faced with full regret; rather it should be welcomed with the warmest smile and tenderness, no matter how big, no matter how small. This is not because I am the adopted daughter of the goddess of fate, who already knows every event that will happen to a human life from the crib to the grave and who has taught me ever since to value all the occurrences that I meet every day - whether I interpret this as a celebration or an accident. But this is because I believe that everything happens for a reason and that the days we live through are like the clouds in the sky, they are not always the same.

But today was different, and I am slowly and horrendously starting to regret it.

"I cannot believe you were just using me."

We drive through Namdaemunsijang-gil Road, seven minutes past five in the afternoon and just in time for the Pacific sun to set. At this side of Seoul, people had just begun to accumulate over the street food stands and the tarpaulin-covered bazaars that sell cozy jackets in winter but bikinis and straw hats in the beginning of May. Deok-hwa is using the shorter route to the Shinsegae Department Store, somewhere around the endless branches and streams of Southern Seoul where traffic is usually less congested.

Almost an hour ago, I was battling the good fight between Deok-hwa's all of a sudden romantic gestures and my getting-really-poor self-control. To say the least, I did not even know what I should be in control of anyway. But if I were really to be asked what had actually happened back at the tea house, I'll just say that he took me by surprise - because, my god, he really did.

Deok-hwa spirals down a corner and I almost thought that the edge of my seat was going to buckle off because of how fast he was going - despite of the circumstances that we're driving on a service road. "I did not use you, Rae-yeon," he said, sucking his lips inside. "I just really need to get away from them."

I have been crossing my arms over my chest for the past forty minutes and even if they're now entirely numb and dead, I couldn't care less. He had just told me that the reason why he pulled off an almost-believable chivalrous act was because he wanted a good enough excuse to leave some sort of fancy discussion that he and his grandfather were having. "What was it about anyway?" I was about to question but when I look over at him, his eyes seemed sad, absent and somehow relieved. His mouth slightly hanging open and the way his fingers curl around the steering wheel suggests an immensely personal story that I couldn't get my hands on. If only he would let me know, then I wouldn't have to react this way. But then again, what are we anyway? We were only two ordinary people who only met one night, formed into acquaintances by destiny-defying connections. And now, with an eerie atmosphere and an invisible force field between us, we were neither friends nor enemies.

Deok-hwa parks the car right beside a rather triangular-looking building, constructed upon floors and walls of smooth dark marble. He opens the car door for me and I look up immediately at the arc above us. It was dressed with Christmas lights and adorned with giant snowflakes varying from colors of white, red, and blue, the bright lights distracting me. I have never seen anything as beautiful and radiant as this since the day Auntie Samshin took me to Yeongdungpo to watch the firework display for an international festival. Yet my adoration on such a simple thing right now may just be a way for me to put Deok-hwa's voice on mute.

All of a sudden, he snapped his fingers in front of my line of vision and the white glows coming from the Winter Wonderland arc become a blur, his face clearing into focus instead. "Yah, Raeyeon-ssi! Are you deaf? I've been calling you for the past minute."