Oneshots

You Are Out of My Mind (Joshler)

A/N: Based on the song "Not Today" by Twenty Øne Piløts 

Josh hadn't left the house in three years.

He was sure there was a reason, maybe he had some type of phobia, but he didn't know. He just knew that the world out there didn't really need him. But why would it? His life, a short period, not even long enough to leave a speck on the time line of the universe, was insignificant. 

Of course, there would always be people who disagreed with that statement, but truly? Their lives were insignificant too.

One example of the type of person to disagree was Josh's best friend, Tyler.

"But lives aren't completely insignificant, are they? I mean, your life matters to me, and my life matters to you, right?" Tyler asked, hanging upside-down off the edge of Josh's bed.

Josh groaned internally; ever since Josh had first brought up the topic, Tyler wouldn't leave it. During one late-night conversation, he had mindlessly let the opinion slip. Now, no matter how many times Josh explained it, Tyler would try to convince him otherwise.

He sighed but answered anyway. "Yes, my life might matter to you, and yours to me, but neither of them really matter at all." He was sitting at his desk, looking at Tyler's upside-down face.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that in the span of the entire universe, we don't matter; we're insignificant.  If we do something, then it won't change anything. Like this conversation; we're having this conversation right now, and the world is spinning. Even if we weren't, the world would still be spinning."

Tyler was quiet for a moment.

"But how do you know that the world wouldn't stop?"

Josh closed his eyes and dropped his head back, his face to the ceiling. "I know because none of this matters."

Tyler hummed. "Sure it doesn't." 

"Even if we had never been born, the world would be moving on. Time would still pass, and the stars would still shine-"

"And the moon would still revolve around the Earth and the Earth around the Sun." Tyler finished. Josh nodded. He didn't even know why Tyler bothered talking about it so much if he already knew what Josh would say. 

"Why do you do this?" Josh finally asked after a few minutes. 

Tyler shrugged.

"Isn't it just a waste of time?"

Tyler was sitting on the bed now. "Not really."

"But we have this conversation all the time; what's the point?"

Josh looked at Tyler, waiting for an answer.

"To see if you'll change your mind." Tyler said, finally.

"But I won't."

"Not today, maybe."

Josh hummed in agreement. Tyler wasn't wrong; his opinion wouldn't change today. But, Tyler would probably say the same thing again tomorrow. And the next day, and the day after that. So Josh's opinion would never change. 

Not tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that.

Josh wasn't happy. 

But then again, neither was Tyler.

It didn't bother him though, because it really didn't matter. One day he could be happy, and the next he could be sad, but, at the same time, he could die any day. Then, it wouldn't have mattered how he'd felt the day before.

So Josh felt indifferent. Indifferent to the sad and the happy, and anything in between. And Tyler didn't mind.

That's probably why they became friends, come to think of it; Tyler didn't mind when Josh was sad, and Josh didn't mind when Tyler was. They didn't try to cheer each other up, or pretend to feel one way around the other; they just let each other feel however they felt. 

And that was fine.

"I think I'm out of my mind." Josh said one night. Tyler nodded. He was staying over again.

"I think we all are." Now, it was Josh's turn to nod.

"Yeah," He sighed. "I guess we are." It was quiet for a moment.

"But it doesn't matter, does it?" Tyler asked.

"Not at all."

Suddenly, Tyler stood up. Josh watched him questioningly, but didn't ask. Tyler reached out a hand and grabbed the curtain rod. He lifted it and placed the curtains on the floor.

The window opened.

"Come on," Tyler said, motioning out. Josh just looked at him. 

Tyler shook his head. "You don't have to go out, just come here."

Joshed walked to the window. They were on the second floor, but the window was next to the roof. A short distance down and to the right, but it was still there. Directly below it, however, was nothing.

"Good," Tyler said. "Now make a sound."

"What?" Josh asked, confused.

"Something. Anything." Tyler said. "It doesn't matter."

And so Josh did. He made a sound out of the window, and into the night air. 

After a second, it was still again.

"What was the point of that?" He asked Tyler.

"Did it matter?" Tyler asked back. Josh shook his head.

"No?" He questioned.

"Why not?"

"Nothing changed." Josh said, looking outside. "It's all still the same as it was before that."

Tyler looked outside, too.

"But when you did it, something did change; while you made that sound, it wasn't as quiet as it was before."

"So?" Josh asked.

"It doesn't matter now, but it mattered then."

They stayed quiet for another moment. Then, Tyler climbed out of the window.

Josh watched as Tyler got to the roof. Then, he sat down, right at the edge.

"Are you coming?" Tyler asked.

Josh stayed in place. Tyler knew that Josh didn't go outside, that he hadn't stepped foot out in years. But here he was, still asking if he was going to sit on the roof with him.

"You don't have to," Tyler said. "It doesn't matter."

Everything was still for a few minutes. Then, Josh was sitting on the window ledge.

His feet dangled out, the most he had been outside in three years. Tyler didn't look over.

"But it matters now." Josh said. Tyler smiled.

It was a start.