Fears of the Broken

Fears of the Uncertain

Friday had come too soon. I was currently standing in my kitchen making a pot of coffee while the moving guys brought in my couch. I hadn't realized the damned thing would take up half my living room.

thank god it was a snow day today...

As I sipped on my espresso a beefy man  who I could've mistaken for a giant waltz into my kitchen, obviously trying to attract me with his pathetic flexing.

I rolled my eyes into my mug.

"Job's finished, it was as easy as a hooker ma'am" he said with a wink, causing me to almost cringe backwards

Does this prick not realize i'm old enough to be his damn daughter... I thought inwardly, shivering with disgust...

"Alright thank you" I said politely, handing him a tip for his hard work. Hoping to get him out of here as quick as possible.

"I was wondering if maybe you'd want to go grab a burger sometime? Maybe go watch the game on Saturday? Oh! Or maybe go to the new mini golf course that just opened?" goodness this guy was gross, he reeked of cheap cologne and his hair was more oily than sardines, and did this guy ever brush his teeth? i grimaced at the sight of his yellow teeth with built up plaque...

gross...

That and he was like forty-seven years old...  I cringed inwardly...I had enough

"Look, as much as i enjoy the Vandals, and I am excited for the game on Saturday, i'm seventeen and not interested.  I would appreciate it if you would leave my apartment..." Joe, as his name tag stated, looked at me with a face as red as a tomato,... mumbling an apology, the man quickly gathered his team and left.

And he forgot his damn tip...

Quietly walking into the living room I stared at the new piece of furniture that was huddled close to the fireplace. The slow burning of the fire almost illuminating the color of the couch... the sight was so relaxing I was tempted to just leave the area completely, not wanting to disturb the peacefulness of it all.

but it looked so cozy...

Sighing I went to grab a throw blanket, walking back to the couch with the blanket and my favorite book, True North,  I wordlessly sat onto the comfy couch and began to read.

It was then that I was truly at peace, I hadn't felt so at home since that night. It was so painful to think about it all. Mostly because of the fact that I missed them so much.

I now realize how ungrateful I was. When I would complain about them forcing me to have another family friday night with them. God how I wished I could have just one more, how I wish I could hold them one last time. Tell them I love them and maybe bake some cinnamon rolls with mom and work on that paint job for Betty dad and I had been planning for weeks.

But I couldn't...

and that  was the thought that broke me completely.

As I reminisced in all the happy moments we had shared as a family. All leading up to that night...

The night I came home an hour past curfew because I couldn't put that damn book down at the library. The night I came home to the front door busted open, blood all along the walls and the slaughtered bodies of my dear sweet mother laying on the bed of their room and my warm, happy father sprawled across the bathroom floor

The memory of my mother's face, covered in cuts and bruises, so bloody I had barely been able to recognize her. Slashes and scratches all along her torso and legs signalling that she had been raped before her painful death, making me sob harder. The image of her cold dead face etched in pain so clear in my mind, the cause of my night terrors...

And my father,... his was so much worse. Whoever had murdered them had committed the crime with purpose, the image of his torso cut open by a single line running from just below his collarbone to just above the waistline of his torn jeans.

His intestines had been torn from his body and wrapped around his hands acting as handcuffs. A slit from his hairline to his chin, across his left eye was what scared me the most.

I couldn't help but hold his lifeless body when i had found him.  He was so beat, it was obvious whoever had done this to my parents was attempting to make an image out of them.

And that planted  more fear in my stomach than i thought possible, because i didn't know why. I had no idea if this was the end of their wrath or just the beginning. Either way it broke me. My heart forever shattered,  mind forever cautious, and body forever tense.

That's why that frightful friday night, i lay on my couch sobbing into the early morning. The fire long gone. From both the fire place,

And my soul...

And that was a reality that scared me more than the unknown.