Solitary Confinement

The Apologetic Social Worker

Driving down the road, my breath came out short, harsh, and staggered. Anger built up within me as my hands grasped the steering wheel to the car that Maria and Evan handed down to me. Stupid car. Tears welled up in my eyes and rolled violently down my face. A feeling of betrayal filled my stomach and chest, making it even harder to breath. How could you Charlotte? How could you do this to me? In an attempt to relieve the constriction in my chest, I rolled down the car window. My hair blew forcefully around the frame of my face.

I pulled into the parking lot of the foster home that I once called my home. After parking my car, rain started to pour from the dark clouds above me. A little dramatic, don't you think mother nature? Making my way to Charlotte's office, my mind scrambled to form coherent sentences to say to her. I, a little unsure of how to approach this issue, came up with nothing. My hand hovered over her door, breath sucked back into my mouth. Just as I made an attempt to knock, her door flew open.

I blankly stared at Charlotte, her face in shambles. Hues of red masked her cheeks and her brows furrowed. She stared back, not finding anything to say to me either. I assumed my new found mother had already contacted her about our blowout.

Minutes dragged on, until finally Charlotte broke down in tears. Why was everyone crying in front of me? I should be the one crying right now.

"I'm so sorry Olivia. You truly have no idea how sorry I am," she defenselessly let out. Her shoulders hung and sagged. "Give me a chance to explain?" Desperateness glistened beneath the tears that shed from her eyes.

With a stiff nod, my guard remained up which hadn't happened yet with her. She always proved to be so trustworthy to me.

"You're mother came to me when you were young. Eight, maybe nine years old. She was so broken and such a mess. I'd thought she was just a stranger trying to adopt a kid to get money for drugs or something. But, that's how awful she looked. After the fourth or fifth time of her coming here I decided to set up a meeting with her to see what she'd been going on about. During that meeting she brought up your name and started asking me all of these questions about you; how you were, what you looked like, all of these personal questions. Obviously I couldn't give her any information because I wasn't sure if she could actually be your real mother, and since you were my client I had to be even more protective of you," she broke out into a gasp, trying to regain her breath from her explanation thus far. A question popped up in my head.

"How did you figure out that she was my biological mother?" I asked, filled with curiosity.

"I had one of my co-workers who specializes in the family finding department. You have to understand that I would never deny a mother of her child, but she seemed way too unfit. I wasn't surprised that if she were your mother, she didn't have custody of you. After Ray did a background check on her, it showed in our system that she gave you up for adoption immediately after you were born, but the family that was lined up for you fell through. Thus, the reason that you ended up here."

I began to interrupt her thought once more with questions my mind filled with.

"So why hadn't you ever brought this up to me? I deserved to know all of this early on. Don't you think?"

I could tell that Charlotte heard the betrayal and hurt within my voice. Her head hung in embarrassment as red laced her cheeks once more.

"When I'd finally come to terms with the fact that Maria, your biological mother, wanted to be back in your life I'd set up another meeting with her in hopes that more could be resolved. Her and I talked for hours on why she did what she did and what made her decided that she needed to give you up. I'd be more than willing to share those with you, but I feel that that isn't my place. She needs to tell you all of those details. Anyways, after our meeting she made me promise her that I wouldn't tell you who she was. She felt that she would be doing you a disservice by allowing you back into her life. She was a big mess, Olivia."

"Shouldn't that have been my decision though? I mean, I know I'm not quite a master at keeping my emotions at bay, but this is different. I should have been told sooner."

"As much as I would have liked to tell you sooner, again that wasn't my place. I made her a promise, and you of all people know how I am with my promises," Charlotte's eyes showed of defeat, but understanding.

I knew she had been right. I needed to hear that information from Maria herself. Not only would I have been angry, but I would've wondered what was stopping Maria from telling me herself. I felt bad for the feelings I'd been feeling today towards Charlotte. All she had done was be there for me, and keep her promises. She stepped in when my mom was too afraid to.

"I'm sorry Charlotte. Today, I was just so angry. The roller coaster of emotions I have been feeling have been driving me insane. I'm sorry I came at you so defensively," I apologetically let out.

"It's okay. I understand why you were so upset. This is a lot to take in, in just a day. If you don't want to go home today, you could stay here for the night. Clear your head," a sincere smile made it's way to her face and her eyes looked a little lighter now. She made a very persuasive offer. With everything that had happened to me today, I was in no condition to drive back to the Miller's home.

"Sure. Did anyone steal my old room yet?" I smiled back towards her direction.