well, dad made that awkward didn't he? but steven's gone now and after explaining about fliss driving lucy round the bend he found a new baby sitter and got our cleaner round to clear up the remains of her 'artwork'. i ran up stairs and flung my clothes on the bed, pulled out my bikini and changed into that. i pulled a baggy tee shirt over and had it sloping off one shoulder, beach-y much? as jumped onto my bed and turned on my tv, i get britsh shows because my dad pays extra. mtv, ipad and sunny sun outside. i turned on my ipad and, desperatly checked facebook. now, i have 'beautiful eyes' do i? thats lovely, but how to reply was the question. oh well, who cares. whats the worse that can happen if i say something bad? im not going to die or anything. type in "that's really sweet, thanks" and send. done. finished. over. now drop ipad and run out of room with tv still on: clever me hey? so, standing in the hallway out side my bedroom, i texted chris, i want to surf right now. i need to go out and clear my head, chris will just sit there with me on the beach and listen: he's amazing like that.
"chris, need to see you now, surfing outside my house in 10?"
"oh, alright em, near the old surf shack?"
"yeah thats the place, see you then, bring your board"
"kk, see ya"
with that i pulled some shorts on, put my phone in my pocket and slipped into some flipflops, walked onto the beach and put down a towel for us to sit on. it's been almost 10 minuets so chris should be here soon, i just want to sit here really; not surf or swim just sit here and chat til dark. like we used to...
Chris came down to the beach with me all the time when i first came here, we'd sit on the beach all day until dark and it would feel like a flash of time not a whole day. but then we, yeah, it's hard to say. i choak up every time i think about it. i saw just sitting on my towel and he rushed over from the water with his surf board under his arm. he looked like something out of a film and, well, it felt like it too. he stood up in front of me and smile, he took my hand and pulled me up (i was wearing a bikini and shorts with my hair and body soaked from taking a dip earlier) and as we stood there, me smiling at the ground he said "em, i dont know why or how but right now i feel like we should-" i cut him off and smiled, "-yeah we should" and as our eyes met we both moved closer and our lips touched. i pulled away and ran off. we never did the same thing again and haven't spoken about it either: i sometimes think it was all a dream but i know it wasn't, it felt too real.
chris walked up to me in his shorts, tee and a surf board. he dropped his board when he say me and ran; threw his arms around me and held me tight. "don't you dare cry" ah, why would i be crying? thats, how do i put it, unexpected? i pushed him off me with my hands on his shoulders: "what do you mean by dont cry?" i was holding him at arms length and looked at him in the eyes: what the hell is he on about? "you know, what happened after school with james" all of a sudden my heart was pounding and my thoat was dry. "w-w-what? whats, whats happened?" i let go of him and started gazing at everything around me, distraction please? "didn't you hear?-" he was looking at me like i was a ghost or something "-he was, well, i dont know how to say it" chris took my hand and walked me over to the water, he sat down with his feet in the ocean and followed him. "some guys at school heard about james being english and they started teasing him on the way home-" thats not a huge deal, why would i be crying? "so teasing, thats it?" he ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, "no, they started pushing him and swearing and then he reacted, in a big way" right, james has a temper when it comes to being teased. "-he punched one and they got into a fight-" my eyes widened and my heart fell. "-he's been taken to the hospital, he was found on the street outside his house; battered and bruised" my jaw dropped. my smile faded and now a tear was rolling down my cheek. i was shaking and scared. i need james.
silence, the beach was empty other than me and chris. sun's set and it's very dark, not cold, just dark. i pulled my legs up to my body and wrapped my arms around them. i try to make myself small, smaller and smaller until i disappear and im not here anymore. obviously, it doesm't work. chris put his arms round me and i rested my head on his shoulder, i stopped being so tight and let go. im in his arms, crying my eyes out on him and he makes me feel safer, not safe but safer. i dont know how long for, but we just sat there together, silence. no words were spoken but we could feel the mood: he was there and it makes you realise somethings, chris is like steven and steven is like james and none of them are like him, he, the guy that i haven't thought about in a while. it's weird how i fall in and out of love so fast sometimes, well, usually. but this time, well, i still feel content with them: all four and perfect and my relationships with them our all perfect, they are what they are and that is the way i want them.
i looked up at chris, he smiled at me- "it's all gonna be alright, he's not that bad off dont worry". i gave a half smile, not happy in anyway but i think he wanted to see it. "thanks chris" he looked me in the eyes and clasped my face, he leaned in and kissed my forehead. "night". with that he pulled away and walked off into the distance. i picked myself up and stood wobbily.
deep breath, rise head and try to fake a smile. don't show you sad, dont let your dad worry, dont let fliss see you like this. sneak in and smile, pretend your fine. die, but do it on the inside. CLICK turn the key in the door, CLACK the blot unlocks and the door opens. "COME HE-RWE" I see fliss run past the door chasing something, she stops as she see's me and runs over. grabs my leg and pulls me into the lounge, i sit down on the sofa and turn on the tv. well, whats happened today? my old mate from england turned up and my school then he got beaten up and teken to hospital, i got a message from a cute guy in my class and almost kissed steven. oh dear.
i sat on the sofa, legs up on the foot stool and a hyper-active 3 year old asleep on me (in case you don't know i mean fliss). i turned off the tv and rested my head on the arm rest. my thoughts blured and my eyes closed, sleep was imminent.
