Want to thank Rollins_Ambrose_1 for this idea
Dean woke up Sunday morning and clinging to Romans pillow. He in hales the his scent off the it and mumbles. "Mmm, Ro." He wakes up almost every morning forgetting Roman isn't there. He blinks a few times and opens his eyes and looks around. As he was still clinging to it he saw it was after 10 in the morning and seen sunlight and reached up and pulls the shade down. He sighs, and hot tears run down his cheeks holding onto Romans pillow. It's been a month now and he still breaking down from missing him.
He sits up on the bed and wipes his eyes. He loved the darkness, and every night he wished he didn't wake up the next day. So here it is daylight and wide awake, and no Roman. He sighs and looks around the whole room was still trashed from a month ago from when he had a fit. He runs his hand through his hair he had so much on his mind and so miserable. He thought about what last lnight.
Last night
He was thinking about Roman and missed him so much and walks into the kitchen and tried his hardest to drink as he picks up the whiskey bottle and opened it and had it by his lips and just couldn't bring his self to drink it. He puts the lid back on and slams it on the counter. He slid down the cupboards and cried, he missed him so much. Why..just why didn't he just give into Roman? He looks at his finger, he still didn't take off his engagement ring. They were suppose to get married that summer, and be happy forever. But as usual he was stupid and should have known better then what he did.
He saw a coffee cup on the floor that must have fallen when he slammed the whiskey on the counter. He screamed, "Aahhh!"as he threw it across the room and it shattered . I'm such a FUCKING IDIOT!" Then more tears came out, as he looked around the kitchen. He could picture Roman right now standing over the stove making them dinner. His cocky grin, his tight hair bun, his tight tank, and how hot he was in his jeans. He closed his eyes and thought about it for a second like it was real.
He would be right now walking into the kitchen right and Roman would be saying. "Hey baby boy, dinner is almost done, and then we can go out for a few drinks." Roman would smile." Dean would walk over there and smile and wrapped his arms around Romans waist and kiss his neck. "Mmm, Ro dinner smells fantastic. We don't have to go out." Of course that night they didn't, they made love. He wipes his eyes and smiles, but then he closes his eyes and saw that Saturday night a month ago. It replayed over and over, he got angry. He got up and flipped the table over. He knew getting angry wont bring Roman back, but letting the anger out helped a little.
Suddenly his phone started ringing and it was Seth. Hell the only one who checked up on him everyday since that night. He didn't pick it up, he was afraid he would tell him off. He left it ring, he once again picked up the bottle of whiskey and closed his eyes. "Drink you stupid ass, just one swallow and the pain is gone." He squeezed the neck of the bottle and his hands shaking. He hated his self for being a idiot who can't even take a drink. So what, he has been sobered for a month. .Just for one night, let this be the night he slips, and tomorrow he will regret it and hate his self. His damn self conscious always took over, it's not like he promise Roman he won't drink.
After 10 minutes of holding that bottle by the neck he turned around and walked into the living room and walking around. He stopped at Romans picture near the door and stared at it. Between the anger and hurt he started mumbling words not making sense. He slaps his self in the head, and cursing to his self. He walks away from the picture, and still holding the open bottle. He wipes the sweat from his forehead with his finger. He turned around from the corner, and stared at Romans picture again.
"You just had to leave me....Not ONCE......did you think I won't FUCKING MISS YOU HUH?" He walks around the corner like a cage animal and stopped, "I FUCKING LOVED YOU!" He scratches his head, and looks at the picture. "You know there was nothing or no limits (waving his arm around getting whiskey on it) I won't go or do for you. But NO (points at the picture) you had to leave didn't you. Damn I wish I could hate, but I can't." He stopped and smelt the whiskey on his arm, and breathing hard. Now that he smelt it, could he really take a drink? He smirks looking at Romans picture and puts the bottle by his lips and closed his eyes. That night came to his mind clearly.
