Why did I fall for those eyes

I see it beginning

My parents always were and always will be a weak point of mine. Whenever they're mad at me, I feel horrible. Although I'm really looking forward to texting my new crush, something inside me is stopping me.

I don't know if other teenagers face this problem but I, Lisa, feel guilty whenever I upset my parents.

The notification looks so attractive.
My hand began to sweat and I start doing my fucking habit. Over thinking. I over think every single thing in my damn life.

"What does the texts say?"
"What if it gets too awkward?"
"What if I do a major turn off?"

Biting my lip, I press on the notification.

Fred: Sup babe!
Fred: couldn't wait to text you!
Fred: hahahha
Fred: L?
Fred: I heard some rambling coming from your house...
Fred: everything alright L?

Oh God..
One major disadvantage of being neighbours with your crush: walls aren't sound proof.
So yes all the screaming will be heard. All the fights. All the cries. All the maybe moaning? Hahah silly.

I start fidgeting with my pyjama's sleeve. What will I tell him??

Lisa: ooo you've decided a nickname for me already. Wait it's just a letter hahah but I like it!! Ahh about that, don't worry dude just a normal fight with my parents. I finally told them about the expulsion! I don't think I'm seeing the sunlight any time soon tho...

Nervously, I press send. He received. He is online. He read the message. He is typing...

Fred: wait you mean I won't see my new best friend any time soon? Oh fuck...!!!
Fred: sorry I forgot to tell ya, I'm kinda abusive babe haha..

I stare blankly at the phone. Firstly he frienzones me then he calls me babe? I think babe is another synonym for bruh in Fred's dictionary.
I just got friendzoned.
Horray....

I feel so angry. Like fumes are escaping through my nose, and the problem is that he was phone calling his stupid girlfriend infront of me!! I already know he's taken. I'm a truly silly person.

Lisa: sorry 'bout that..
Lisa: btw gtg cuz I'm supposedly sleeping!!!
Lisa: Good night my new best friend!
*blue heart*
Fred: good night my new best friend!!

Annoyed, I switch my phone off and put it on the night stand beside me.
I start thinking about how I'll deal with my problems.
Problem one: expulsion
I twirl my hair as I try to come up with a way to make it up for my parents. Mum is one of the kindest people alive and I'm sure she'll come around anytime soon even though i screwed her night. Her and dad just need one of those long speeches about regretting, and promising to change bla bla. So I think that's solution one.

Problem 2: My attitude
I stare at the ceiling blankly as I think about how I changed. My parents always planted in me when I was young the seeds of being a well behaving person. I wonder why the seeds never sprouted. Maybe the real me never watered the seeds and my inner demons won? I don't know why I feel so satisfied when I anger others.
I'm not going to change. I like who I am. They should accept me the same way I am I think? No solution for problem 2.

Problem 3: FREDDY?
I can't stop thinking about him! I keep blushing when i remember what happened today. And break into fits of laughter at how bewildered he was at the principle's office. He's cute.

Suddenly anger takes over me again. He's fucking taken. I have no experience with guys. I don't know how to be flirty? I don't know how to cope? I just hope what I feel towards him is just temporary because he's handsome. Though, my heart is convincing me that it may be the beginning of something new.

Tired, I cover my face with the quilt, yes I can't sleep except when I'm totally covered. Weird, I know, my specialty.

I close my tired eyes and secretly wish that I'm not falling in love....