Fated to be his

23. Vague outline

When we get back to Aiden's apartment he parks the car and gets out quickly, I follow behind watching as he runs his hands through his hair roughly. His brows pulled together and blue eyes dark as he is lost in something far away. 

He opens the door and leaves it open for me to walk in, I close it behind me and when I turn back around, Aiden wraps his arms around me tightly; his mouth crashing against me making me stumble back so my back is pressed against the door. I try to keep up with his movements but I just stumble along as he dominates the kiss. I open my mouth and his tongue slips in, his grip getting tighter on me. 

It hurts, my skin bruising under his hold; I put my hands on his shoulders and try to push him off; but he is a lot stronger than me and he easily picks me up not breaking the kiss and carries me through the house until I feel my back on his mattress. My heart starts to beat like crazy. 

I'm not ready for this. I still feel like we don't know every much about each other and I don't want our first time to be in the heat of the moment when he is upset. 

"Aiden." I mumble against his lips, my hands pushing against him still. 

He doesn't reply, his lips going to my neck. 

"Aiden, stop." I try to say calmly, but I am getting more scared with each kiss. 

When he doesn't reply this time, I feel his hands slide up my sides under my shirt and I feel tears raising.

"Stop!" I yell this time and he does, looking at me shocked. 

He looks down at me finally and he moves away quickly, realizing what he was doing. 

"What the heck is wrong with you?" I ask moving back to sit by his head board. 

"Riley, I'm so sorry." He breathes, looking at me with guilt filled eyes. 

"Where did you go? you weren't even you." I ask with a shaky voice, letting myself show how much he really did scare me with how he was acting. 

He reaches out to rest his hand on my knee and I move it away from him, making him look at me with a sad expression. 

"I don't like talking about my past." He says softly, moving his hand back and resting his hand on his knees so they hang limply. 

"Aiden, if we are going to make this work; I need you to open up to me." 

He doesn't answer and rests his head on his hands with his elbows digging into his knees; his eyes squeezed shut. "Riley, I really can't do that right now. What has happened today and the past, I have never shared that with anyone." 

I sit there thinking about that for a moment. 

He knows a lot about me, he knows that I would never use anything that has hurt him in the past against him now. So why does he feel like he can't tell anyone, why does he feel like he can't even tell me? 

Slowly I move to the edge of the bed and climb off, walking to the door. 

With my hand on the door knob, I'm hesitate for a moment; hoping he will stop me, but soon I get the feeling that he won't and I start to open the door my heart sinking. 

"Where are you going?" He whispers, I feel his back against mine with his good hand resting on the cracked door above my head. My heart almost taking a big exhale of relief. 

"If you can't open up to me, of all people, then we can't move forward together Aiden. What reason is there for me to stay right now?" I say just as quietly. 

It may be silly that we are whispering to each other, but for some reason it is all I can bring myself to do. I know it's not fair of me to leave because he doesn't want to open up about his past; but to me that is a big deal. He doesn't want me to know about a part of him that I should know and be able to comfort him when it comes to trouble his mind. 

"Riley, I- I." He starts but doesn't know what to say. 

"I'm sorry." I turn and look at him, his eyes deep as they look into mine. "When you decide to tell me, or want to talk about things seriously. You know where to find me." I smile at him as I touch his cheek feeling his cores beard. 

Standing on my tip toes, I kiss him softly, longingly to make sure that his remembers this kiss and so I can cherish the feeling of his lips. The gentle movements that will hopefully erase the feeling of the rough, overpowering pressure that frightened me. 

"I'll get there, I promise." He rests his forehead against mine. 

I take in a deep breath and nod softly. 

"See you then?" 

Aiden nods and wraps his arms around me tightly, "I just got you, I can't mess things up to lose you." 

"Even if you tried to lose me, I think that fate has another plan." I tease, feeling tears build up against. I don't want to say goodbye to him, but I have to remember this isn't goodbye. 

This is us figuring things out so that we can be stronger together. 

Aiden laughs a little and slowly lets go of me, we stand there looking at each other for a moment; but I know that it is me who has to walk out the door. Unwillingly I reach back and twist the door knob, opening the door and stepping out. 

Aiden watches me with a sad expression and I notice his fists clenching as I grab the door handle again and start to close the door. 

For a moment panic flashes in his deep blue eyes, "We are ok, right?" his unsure tone making me not want to leave even more.

"We are going to be ok Aiden." I smile as a tear rolls down my cheek and he reaches out to wipe it away.

"I know we will be." He says with a little more confidence.