Plaything

1: Diary Entries

5:36am

Numb.
Numb.
Numb.
Numb.
Numb.

My body doesn't feel anything.
I am touching my leg and I feel the pressure in my fingers, I feel the pressure against my leg, but I'm lost on sensation. I don't feel the texture of my skin.

Is it my skin?

I've just raked my nails across my leg, hard. I felt pressure, but no pain. My leg has red rows where it's been scratched. 

He doesn't know.

That's okay.

7:57am

He knows I haven't eaten. He knows I was in the hospital. He knows I dehydrated myself. He knows I couldn't breathe.

Why am I here? I need sleep, I need rest...

Easy answer, I wanted to show off. I wanted everyone to see that I was tough. I wanted him to see me be strong.

But I'm here. And I'm losing the sensation of pain and touch.

Where is here? The festival. The Renaissance Festival. I work here. He works here.

I have a crush on a fucking coworker...

Shit.

8:29am

"Your cup better not be empty at any point today. I've already got permission to spank you." He told me with a grin.

I wanted to answer, but I lost my voice after I stopped being able to breathe.

"Yes.... sir..." my voice isn't audible.

"And if I catch you talking you're going to be in serious trouble." His face hardens. He wasn't joking anymore. "You gotta take care of yourself punk."

I nodded. I don't want him mad at me, but it's annoying that I can't talk.

After he leaves my head is spinning.

11:18am

Patrons come through and talk to me, and even though I can't talk, kids know exactly what I'm saying.

He's been checking on me periodically throughout the morning.

I met a few patrons who knew ASL and held a conversation with me and it was nice to just communicate with someone.

1:46pm

A little girl wasn't really smiling and I saw she kept looking at her mom and making small gestures, and nobody seemed to be able to catch her attention by being loud. I asked her what was wrong in sign language and she looked so shocked and she asked if I could really talk to her and it was so sweet. She had a huge grin on her face by the time she left and her mom thanked me for cheering her up.

6:20pm

The end of the day and I'm all words and he tells me the exciting parts of his day. So much happened, and he was a little buzzed, and he reeked of alcohol, but that's not bad. He let me have a drink of some sort of cinnamon rum... it was a warm drink and it made my throat burn, but it helped take off the edge on my nerves.